Hes Not Interested Anymore

Women's Dating

He’s Not Interested Anymore

Elena Burnett

Written by: Elena Burnett

Elena Burnett

Elena is a specialist in relationship and dating issues. She has been working with men and their romantic challenges for more than 20 years. Elena is not only certified as a relationship specialist, she also has a bachelor's in metaphysics and has studied Tarot and Numerology for 15 years, as well as Aikido for 14 years. She is also clairvoyant and a spiritual counselor.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Why is it that in the world of romance, so many relationships end up with your man losing interest in you and the partnership, seemingly all at once, like there was an expiration date on the fun times, like some sort of secret test wasn’t passed, and then he withdraws?

Keeping the flame burning brightly once the novelty has worn off can be a real challenge since comfort breeds laziness.

It is as if no one wants to put the effort into the relationship after a while. It is human nature and men and women are both guilty of it in their own ways.

For now, let’s examine why men have the tendency to stop giving like they used to.

What drives men?

Men are built to compete, conquer and control, with the exception of the sensitive man who is more passive in his approach. (Sensitive men are more comfortable being chased around than doing the hunting.)

As for the majority of men in their masculine energy (notice this is a case of energy, not gender, since men and women both have masculine and feminine aspects within themselves), they see most everything as a challenge.

Life becomes one giant competition where getting to the next level is not only desired, it is imperative.

Accomplishing more is their major goal and driving force. They were taught this since childhood.

The men who are especially driven in this way develop the need to escape routine life at all costs.

If things come too easy too quickly, they end up losing interest, like a cat with a mouse who will not run away.

Men value that which they work for and that which is earned. If they have put great effort into winning something, then that something holds great value to them.

They love the challenge and the mystery of the discovery.

Where did he go?

The guy you fell for way back when might turn out to be a different guy today. Why? Because back when you met, you were a challenge for him, a new conquest.

He was determined to make you part of his world.

He was determined to control every aspect of you, partly to demonstrate to himself he is the King and he is irresistible to mere mortals and partly because you represent the unknown, a part of the world he was hoping to discover, like a great explorer from days gone past.

Once he got you eating out of his hand, once he climbed your highest peaks, then he needs to find the next challenge. Maybe it is a kid, maybe it is marriage, maybe it is a mistress.

It does not mean he has stopped loving you. It doesn’t even mean he cares for you less. It simply means he is ready to move on to the newest challenge.

“Don’t ask more of him.

Ask more of yourself.”

How to get his attention back.

There is a key element women must remember when it comes to men in dating and relationships: less is more.

Less going after him, less attention-seeking tactics, less blaming, and less asking him to be someone he isn’t.

Women often make their significant other more important than themselves.

However, if a man is not giving you what you want, then switch that around and make yourself more important than him.

Get your attention off him and all the things he does not do for you and put that attention onto yourself and how great you are.

Fill in your free time with the things you would like to do but have put on hold because of him.

This behavior will make you scarce yet happily occupied, meanwhile bringing him back around after you.

What to avoid 

Sitting around waiting for him to call is just about the worst thing you could do.

Like Red says in “The Shawshank Redemption” — “Get busy living or get busy dying.” Choose the former.

You have your own life, and you need to cherish it.

It will leave you centered, and it will leave him wondering what’s so important that you’re not blowing up his phone, which in turn can have the effect of drawing him back to you because suddenly he will feel like you’re slipping away.

In short, do not ask more of him. Ask more of yourself.  These positive changes will take you out of the victim role and more in control of your romantic future.

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