How to Pick Your Third for a Threesome

You and your partner are ready to dive into some sexual explorations and want to invite another person into your bedroom. Who should you pick?

When J and I invite people into our bedroom, we do so based off some broad principles (which we have talked about before inviting others into our bedroom, and in some cases, figured out together after a disappointing experience).

Even if we are going to have an MFM in which J and the other man are not sexually into one another, it’s still important that J be intellectually and mentally connected to the other man.

Determining if we both dig someone else’s vibe, physically and energetically, is an important first step.

We don’t need to have the same views on Obamacare or immigration, but we want to be able to discuss stimulating ideas before undressing someone else.

Physical attraction on its own may not be enough to make a threesome satisfying and fun. Being able to talk articulately before, during and after an encounter makes us that much more revved.

Can they talk about their feelings, hold responsibility for their feelings and excuse themselves when necessary?

Do they understand our relationship structure or demonstrate curiosity about?

Do they understand and respect safe sex practices?

“Identifying what makes you

feel comfortable should help.”

That is, are they open to different kinds of sex, and can they talk about what they like, want and desire? Conversely, can they talk about what they don’t like and don’t want?

Being with someone who has poor sexual intelligence can be so disappointing, so having a conversation before getting into the bedroom about sexual preferences, desires and fantasies can go a long way in preventing mismatched expectations and a situation in which you find yourself with an inflexible or unimaginative partner.

Do their desires and expectations match up?

If you and your partner want to date a third person together and the person you are talking to just wants a one-time hookup, it may not be a good match (unless you and your partner are also interested in casual sex).

Desires will change, but it’s important to at least have a conversation upfront about what everyone wants.

Depending on your boundaries with your partner, you may consider other factors, like whether this person lives in the same town as you, is a co-worker or friend, you want to be able to see them again or not and if the relationship has any flexibility around it (do you want the threesome to happen again or not, and/or do you want it to turn into a dating relationship or not?)

For example, if you don’t want to run into this person again, then you probably would not approach someone who frequents the same bar as you.

Also, depending on the experience you want, you may have some different considerations.

Maybe you don’t want any kind of mental connection (and feel perfectly comfortable without one) and simply want a purely physical encounter.

Maybe it does not matter to you at all that you can have a conversation with someone about their beliefs, values and feelings.

Identifying what turns you on and makes you feel comfortable during a sexual encounter should help you in identifying who you want to invite into your bedroom and how to go about doing it.