Make A Move 3 Easy Tips For Approaching Guys First

Women's Dating

Make a Move! 3 Easy Tips for Approaching Guys First

Jess McCann

Written by: Jess McCann

Jess McCann

Jess McCann is an internationally known dating coach and the author of the book "Was It Something I Said? The Answer to All Your Dating Dilemmas." Visit her at

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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If you’ve read most dating books, you know a longstanding cardinal rule has been for single women to let the guy approach first. However, with advances in modern technology have come advances in modern dating.

Most men now say they prefer a woman to say hello, or at least display some sign of interest in chatting with them.

If you have your eye on a guy and want to strike up a conversation, here a few easy tips on the best way to do so!

1. Give him a sign.

Playing aloof and avoiding a man’s stare stopped working years ago, so if you are still holding on to the old “play hard to get” proverb when it comes to men approaching you, it’s no wonder you’re still single.

Men these days need a sign that you are interested.

In my book, “You Lost Him at Hello: From Dating to ‘I Do,'” I advise women to use a technique called the S.E.E. Factor.

It stands for Smile, Eye Contact, Energy.

You can use it anywhere and with any guy you fancy. Just smile, lock eyes for a full two to three seconds and exude a good, positive energy.

This will send him the message you are not only open to a conversation, but you are available for one (i.e. you aren’t taken by another man!)

Most guys fear rejection, so the S.E.E. Factor will give them the confidence they need to say hello.

“Warm yourself up by smiling and

talking to everyone around you.”

2. Break the ice.  

While it may be hard for you to even imagine initiating a conversation with a guy, it’s actually quite easy and effective.

I, myself, met my husband by talking to him first.

But I didn’t just walk over and introduce myself. I used an icebreaker so it didn’t seem like I was singling him out because I was interested.

I just calmly and casually leaned over and said, “May I borrow your menu?”

You can use a variety of icebreakers to open a conversation with a man and still maintain the element of the chase.

He doesn’t know you specifically picked his menu to borrow or his watch to tell you the time, but if you do this while giving him that S.E.E. factor, chances are good he will keep the conversation rolling!

3. Spread the love.

Don’t sit on your bar stool all night waiting for that one hottie to walk in. Warm yourself up by smiling and talking to everyone around you.

Chat with the bartender or the girl sitting next to you. This way you won’t be nervous to do it when it counts, and you will seem more approachable to the guys who may be watching.

And who knows, you may strike up a conversation with a person you thought you weren’t interested in but who turns out to be a real catch! So don’t prejudge.

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