Say Goodbye To Boring Dates

Women's Dating

Say Goodbye to Boring Dates

Micki Lavin-Pell

Written by: Micki Lavin-Pell

Micki Lavin-Pell

Micki Lavin-Pell, MS, MA, has been a practicing marriage and family therapist/dating coach since 2002. Her work primarily consists of working with individuals who are looking to get into a serious relationship or couples in the early years of marriage looking for skills to improve all aspects of their relationship. Visit her website at She currently sees clients from all over the world via Skype.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Many people complain they find their dates boring: “He/she has nothing interesting to share with me.” “He/she has no hobbies or interests.”

“He/she talks about their parents and siblings all the time.” “He/she has no interest in knowing anything about me.”

What are we really waiting for?

What makes any of us feel the “wow factor”?

We live in a time where it takes a lot more for us to feel chemistry because we are so overstimulated.

Waiting for the wow factor to happen for us on a date is a bit like waiting for Godot – it isn’t really going to come unless we do something to make it happen.

This may sound trite, but what if we all started to consider how our date would look if we were responsible for the wow factor?

What if we made it our job to create some sort of wow effect? What would we do? What could we say? How would the date feel differently?

“The more excited we feel about life, the

more we find we attract better men.”

Take this example:

Regina (not her real name) decided  the wow effect really had to start with her.

She realized after many years of unsuccessful dating and waiting for someone else to bring the excitement, that when she feels better balanced and feels more excited about life, she requires less of the wow factor to come from someone else.

The more excited she feels about life, the more she finds she attracts better men and has things to give, which sets off a really great dynamic on the date.

It creates an infectious vibe that makes others feel happy to be around her.

Also, when we give ourselves permission to be less judgmental and critical of ourselves and our dates, we increase the possibilities of positivity about the dates we are with.

This positive attitude enables us to search for the good things in our dates while no longer emphasizing the negative stuff.

Everyone has negative stuff, but to start a relationship searching for the negative means the relationship probably won’t get too far.

So before you go on another date, consider doing things to make yourself feel more alive.

Predate exercises to get the sparks flying:

  1. Do 50 jumping jacks.
  2. Read 10 pages of a relaxing book.
  3. Have a friend give you a mini massage and give one back to them.
  4. Do five minutes of mind-clearing and deep breathing exercises.
  5. Make a brief list of the five things you like about yourself.
  6. Take a relaxing bath and light an aroma candle nearby.

What steps do you take to add a spark to a flat date?