She Hasn’t Agreed to Go Out with Me. Is She Just Shy?

Gina Stewart
Gina Stewart Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

My co-worker sends me notes at work, texts me after work and even asked me to go to church with her, but she has not agreed to go out with me to dinner or coffee or something.

Is she just trying to safely figure me out first? Does she like me and is just shy? Am I reading too much into this?

-Chris (Ohio)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

You’re right to feel confused. Those are some mixed signals. If you’re into this girl, you can proceed in two ways:

1. On her terms. Accept her offer to church or anything else.

2. Make a safe environment for her to figure you out.

By that, I mean if you have an office that has more co-workers, plan a group activity that you can invite her to as well: lunch, happy hour, bowling, dinner after work.

This has a few benefits. It’s not a date. It will build camaraderie in your workplace. It gives you a social environment to get a better read on her motivations and interactions with you.

Otherwise you may just have to accept you’re her “work husband.”

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.