She Hasn’t Agreed to Go Out with Me. Is She Just Shy?

Gina Stewart

Written by: Gina Stewart

Gina Stewart

Gina is the owner of Expert Online Dating. As an online dating consultant, she helps men and women maximize their online dating experiences to get more dates. You can visit her website,, for more information or to contact her.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

My co-worker sends me notes at work, texts me after work and even asked me to go to church with her, but she has not agreed to go out with me to dinner or coffee or something.

Is she just trying to safely figure me out first? Does she like me and is just shy? Am I reading too much into this?

-Chris (Ohio)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

You’re right to feel confused. Those are some mixed signals. If you’re into this girl, you can proceed in two ways:

1. On her terms. Accept her offer to church or anything else.

2. Make a safe environment for her to figure you out.

By that, I mean if you have an office that has more co-workers, plan a group activity that you can invite her to as well: lunch, happy hour, bowling, dinner after work.

This has a few benefits. It’s not a date. It will build camaraderie in your workplace. It gives you a social environment to get a better read on her motivations and interactions with you.

Otherwise you may just have to accept you’re her “work husband.”

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