How Maintain Upper Hand Relationship

Men's Dating

How to Maintain the Upper Hand in a Relationship

Nick Slade

Written by: Nick Slade

Nick Slade

Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

If a man is going to be king of his castle, he has to start out by wearing the pants in a dating relationship. If you want to spend your whole life dealing with your woman the same way Congress turns every minor issue into a death match, hate-fest or stalemate, then go into politics.

But if you want a smooth, happy, fulfilling life for you and yours, then take control of your relationship by being a flexible, benevolent leader.

So, how can a man maintain the upper hand in his relationship — and is it even a good idea in this modern age? Try having “His” and “Her” remotes for the TV, two steering wheels in the car or a president from each party and see how well things go.

Nature and common sense both dictate that power must be funneled through a single source or the system will fail. Use these tips to take the reins and have a successful relationship.

Give her the scepter of power — sometimes.

I know I just said take the reins. But if you want a happy woman, you have to know when to share your power.

Your girlfriend is a smart, competent, driven woman with ideas, desires and dreams of her own. By their nature, women gladly and willingly play a more submissive role in many circumstances when they have confidence in their man, but they still need to flex their muscles once in a while and be taken seriously as equal partners.

Chances are, she can plan a date, a wedding and a vacation a lot better than you can. So let her. She can decorate a house or apartment, pick out fashionable attire for both of you and plan a meal that won’t make you fat and sick.

She may be a wiz at balancing the checkbook and picking winning investments, too. Allow her to do the things that fulfill her and compliment her on the results.

You can always set the budget, but let her pick out the style of furniture or the color of paint to spend it on. You can choose three restaurants in the price range you want, but let her choose which one, even if it’s the Olive Garden.

You can pick the car, but let her select the color, upholstery and other amenities. You might have to give up your favorite color for a happy woman, but it’s worth it.

Just always make sure she knows you are the loving source of her power. That may sound a bit old-fashioned and sexist, but it has spawned functional, happy relationships for tens of thousands of years. There’s no reason to fight nature now.


“A healthy relationship thrives on

balance, teamwork and mutual respect.”

Always get tit for tat.

Quid pro quo — “this for that.” It’s how the marketplace has been run since the beginning of time, and the world of romance and relationships is a marketplace, make no mistake about it.

No successful negotiator gives an inch unless he gets something of value in return. Every win for her has to be a win for you, too.

She gets the little black dress, and you get the new putter. You agree to let her put floral drapes in the bedroom, and she agrees to let you paint your man cave in the gaudy colors of your favorite NFL team.

You forgo your steak dinner to dine at the vegetarian restaurant, and she promises not to have a headache tonight. Give her what she wants, but don’t give away your manhood. She will eventually lose respect and desire for you, and she may come to hate you for it.

Dominate her in the bedroom.

The one place that every man can be a natural-born hero is in the bedroom. Sex is the most natural aspect of a relationship.

If you go to any nation or visit any remote tribe on the planet, you will find that women are feminine and men are masculine. It’s not a social custom. It’s a natural fact.

It is not uncommon for a sexual routine to get lighter and lighter on the foreplay and post-coital cuddling as time goes by. It’s not uncommon, but it is not good for a relationship.

If you truly want to dominate your woman, then you have to satisfy her. If she’s not ready, then she is simply providing a service to you. If you want to be her king, you have to rock her world.

In the end, you don’t have to win every battle, but you do have to choose your battles wisely. Letting her take you out for a night of dancing today might give you the leverage you need to make your next date for an NBA basketball game.

A healthy relationship thrives on balance, teamwork and mutual respect. You reap what you sow. Delegate some of your powers to her, and use your power to please her, not intimidate her.

If you can truly become the wind beneath her wings, she will come to rely on your strength, benevolence and wisdom to lead the way. You won’t have to claim the upper hand because she will gladly give it to you.

Advertiser Disclosure is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.