How To Flirt With A Girl

Men's Dating

How to Flirt With a Girl (8 Effective Tips From a Real Woman)

Donna Barnes

Written by: Donna Barnes

Donna Barnes

Donna Barnes is a life and relationship coach certified by New York University and co-founder of She is a regular guest on "Good Morning America" and "Nightline," among other popular media outlets, and author of "Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices."

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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Most girls will tell you they want to fall in love with their best friend. So why do so many guys get trapped in the “friend zone” where attraction is almost impossible? Probably because they don’t know how to be nice while showing romantic interest.

Nice guys don’t have to finish last if they know how to flirt, so here are 8 ways to successfully charm a girl:

1. Don’t Get Inside Your Head and Make Yourself Nervous

Dating is hard because you never know for sure what the other person is thinking or feeling. Does she like you? Is she having fun? Stop questioning her and doubting yourself. While you’re trying to figure out what she’s thinking, she’s seeing you withdraw from the moment. This leads her to believe that you don’t really like her.

Remember girls can feel insecure, too. Instead of getting too much in your head, focus your attention on getting to know her. This will make her feel cared about while calming your self-conscious nerves.

2. Just Ask Her Out — And Don’t Assume She’ll Say No

If you want to go out with her, ask her out — even if you think she’ll say no. Who knows, you could be wrong.

One of my clients told me he wasn’t going to ask a girl on a second date because he thought she wasn’t interested. He only asked her out because I told him to, and they had a great time.

The lesson: Unless a girl has flat out turned you down, you should always take a chance on love and ask her out.

3. Make Her Attracted to You With Your Body Language

You can create chemistry with your body language. The simple act of lingering eye contact or brushing her hair out of her face will draw her into you.

Photo of a man flirting with body language

Physical closeness not only shows your romantic interest in a girl, it also creates intimacy and chemistry.

Stay close to her, but respectfully. The goal is confident not creepy. Gently prod her personal space and see how she reacts. Put your arm on the back of her chair, lean into her, touch her arm, shoulder, or knee, and hold her hand while you walk. And definitely kiss her goodbye.

4. Practice Healthy Boundaries

It is extremely attractive when a guy pays attention to what a girl likes (and doesn’t like) and then behaves accordingly. On the flip side, it’s a huge turn-off if you ignore her boundaries and continually push on something she said she didn’t like or want.

Always take note of her interest level. You shouldn’t keep talking about something she doesn’t seem to care about. However, don’t put up with bad behavior from her. You can show confidence by calmly expressing your own needs and desires.

5. Show Who You Really Are, Not Who You Want to Be

Showing off, saying lines, and trying too hard are all unappealing mistakes that guys make. It’s better if you let a woman discover things about you naturally.

Photo of a man being himself in front of a girl

Instead of bragging about yourself, let your date discover your good qualities more organically.

During your time together, instead of telling her all the great things about yourself, show her the great things about you with your actions. If you’re goofy, that will come across in the way you joke with her. If you’re both into old movies, surprise her one day by taking her to a drive-in that’s having a classic movie marathon. The point is to do rather than say.

6. Give Specific, Meaningful Compliments to Her

Genuine flattery goes a long way. This doesn’t mean offering her a generic line — she’s probably heard them all. Instead, you can make your compliment more special and meaningful simply by paying attention.

Every girl wants to feel pretty. Notice what she puts a lot of effort into, whether it’s clothes, makeup, accessories, or hair, and recognize these particulars. Value what she values, but also be honest. When you acknowledge the things you truly like about her, you’ll make her feel appreciated.

7. Try Not to Hijack the Conversation

Hijacking the conversation by interrupting her is extremely rude. So is looking around the room while she talks or not remembering things she tells you. This can communicates that you only care about yourself.

Photo of a man and woman having a two-way conversation

When you interrupt a woman while she’s talking or don’t let her get a word in edgewise, it’s a turn-off.

You want the conversation to be about both of you, not just yourself. Ask questions and follow-up questions to show you’re paying attention.

8. Keep Your Texts Short and Sweet

Keep your texts brief, and only send fun, sweet messages that show her you’re thinking about her. And don’t send her sexual texts unless she initiates. It’s not flirty — it’s needy at best and creepy at worst. Even if she does initiate, keep it respectful.

Now Go Get Your Flirt On!

Flirting sometimes feels like a risk; you’re putting yourself out there by admitting to another person that you’re attracted. It can be nerve-wracking, but it’s how you get yourself a date.

If you have a crush but feel hesitant about making your desires known, just ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” The worst thing would be if you never get to go out with her because you never tried. So be brave, show her you like her, and assume you’re going to get the girl. You are what you think you are. If you think she’ll like you, then she probably will.

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