She Has a Boyfriend. Do I Have a Chance with Her?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I was dating this lovely woman. Right from the get-go she told me she has a boyfriend. She let me know she has been in a relationship for seven years.

As I was holding her hands, I noticed the ring. As she was leaving, we could not help but make out for two hours. Our next date was a couple of weeks later and she spent the night (we didn’t do it). The third date I took her on a nice getaway to hot spring resort.

She later asked me, “What if we were to remain friends?” I was appalled but said, “I will always be your friend.” She told me we’re going too fast and I have to be friends with her first.  Since then, I have not seen her aside from texting or talking on the phone.

Do you believe I have any chance with her?

Amir (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Amir,

If you’ve been reading my column, you know I don’t mince words. I am trying to think of a gentle way to break your heart, but I just can’t find a way.

OK, let me put it this way: Boy, are you in love!

When you fall for a woman, you fall hard. In fact, you fall so hard (uh oh, here comes my bluntness) that you lose complete self-respect.

Why would you waste your money and your time on an engaged woman who is a liar and a cheat? There. I’ve said it.

Now, as to the answer to your question, do I think you have a chance with her? Yes.

You have a chance to get a big, fat broken heart. You have a chance to get an STD. You have a chance to get assaulted by her fiance. (I hope I was joking on that last one.)

I do promise you this: This is a unique opportunity. It is a unique opportunity for you to say no, for you to demand relationship definition, for you to find the love you deserve.

Never love someone who can’t love you back.

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