She Said She Isn’t Looking for Anyone. Should I Move On or Be Patient?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

I’ve known this girl for about two years now (let’s call her Ariel). We became very good friends.

I found out Ariel broke up with her boyfriend, so I saw this as my chance to move in. We were texting each other and I ended up telling her how I felt. She said, “I’m sorry if I mislead you, but I’m not really looking for anyone right now.”

Should I just try to move on, or should I be patient, wait for her to get over her breakup and try to be there for her?

-Derryck (Pennsylvania)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Derryck,

Your first mistake was texting important feelings. It gave her an easy out. It’s much easier to type words of rejection than to say them.

Next time, have more face and phone time and do some fun activities that may not look like classic dates. Then you’ll know by her eye contact and body language if she really likes you.

As for this gal, sorry to break it to you, but you probably blew it.

The only thing you can do now is act indifferent to her and hang out with other girls. She might notice you haven’t been noticing her, and that could peak her interest.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.