She Will Not Call Me Back. Do I Send an Email?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
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Reader Question:

I met the girl of my dreams with many common interests and values. We had a great first date, and she text the next morning thanking me for the great conversation. I then texted, and texted and texted without calling for almost a week. Now she will not call back even though I called and offered no excuses and sincerely apologized.

Do I send an email for why I miss her, or do I just give it time and call in a few weeks after she’s met a bunch of guys online?

-Alan (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

One of the most difficult things for many people to do in the early stages of dating is to show some self-control and let the dance of courtship have its pace.

I’ll bet your many texts (“texted and texted and texted” sounds like a lot!) made her feel a little smothered and also sent the message that you were below her social level and trying too hard. More than anything, you learned a very valuable lesson here.

As for the future, if your thoughts are mostly on whether she’ll meet more male competition, you will likely be unable to show restraint again. I’d suggest that you back off. Wait a few weeks. Leave a voice message. And then contain yourself and wait.

If she doesn’t call back, then you know. Next time, wait three days before calling after a nice date. And call, don’t text.

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