I Don’t Want to Annoy Him by Pursuing Him. What Do I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Reader Question:

There’s this guy I go to college with and we used to be really close friends. Eventually I ended up liking him but he ended up liking this other girl. Apparently he’s single now. He’s just really nice to everyone so it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking, which is why I messed up before and thought that he liked me.

So what am I supposed to do? I don’t want to be pathetic or annoying or anything by trying to pursue him, but I don’t want to just be his friend.

-Kelsey W. (Massachusetts)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

I love it when my sweet writers answer their own question. You just told me clearly what you don’t want to be: A woman who pursues unrequited love, nor a woman who swallows her feelings just to be near a guy.

So, take a deep breath girlfriend and try to become the woman you want to be: A woman who is honest but not a doormat. It’s time to suck it up and put on one big flirt to let him know you are interested.

If he doesn’t take the bait, move away. Your disappearance will give him an opportunity to pursue you if he’s interested. If he’s not, don’t hang around and injure yourself.

You know what you want and what you don’t. And that’s a huge step to finding real love.

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