I Kissed an Old Flame. Do I Tell My Current Guy?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

I met this guy about two and a half months ago. About a month ago, I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said no. I said I was not either.

However, since then we haven’t really had a “defining the relationship” conversation. Our relationship has become sexual, but I feel short-changed in an emotional sense.

I ran into an old flame at a bar, and he ended up walking me home and we kissed. I don’t intend to date this old flame.

Do I need to tell the current “guy” about my incident? Is this cheating? Is this guy wasting my time, or should I ask him to “DTR”?

-Dee D. (New York)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Oh my, Dee. So many questions. OK, let me break this down for you. Like so many young women in America today who think that female sexuality is the same as a man’s, you engaged in sex before a commitment and now are paying the emotional price.

But it’s not too late to get some definition. It takes bravery. But staying in a low-criteria relationship will hurt you in the long run. And, no, you don’t need to tell the current guy about the kissy-face with the old flame.

But after you have that “defining the relationship” conversation, you better act like a good girlfriend and stay away from all the hot flames, old and new.

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