I Kissed an Old Flame. Do I Tell My Current Guy?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I met this guy about two and a half months ago. About a month ago, I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said no. I said I was not either.

However, since then we haven’t really had a “defining the relationship” conversation. Our relationship has become sexual, but I feel short-changed in an emotional sense.

I ran into an old flame at a bar, and he ended up walking me home and we kissed. I don’t intend to date this old flame.

Do I need to tell the current “guy” about my incident? Is this cheating? Is this guy wasting my time, or should I ask him to “DTR”?

-Dee D. (New York)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Oh my, Dee. So many questions. OK, let me break this down for you. Like so many young women in America today who think that female sexuality is the same as a man’s, you engaged in sex before a commitment and now are paying the emotional price.

But it’s not too late to get some definition. It takes bravery. But staying in a low-criteria relationship will hurt you in the long run. And, no, you don’t need to tell the current guy about the kissy-face with the old flame.

But after you have that “defining the relationship” conversation, you better act like a good girlfriend and stay away from all the hot flames, old and new.

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