Reader Question:
I’ve been dating this guy on and off for the last two years. The times we broke up were because of his racist mother. I’m biracial and he’s white. She would always stick herself in our relationship and make things complicated.
Now we aren’t dating but still talk every day even though he went to college an hour away. I’m afraid that while he’s away at college he’ll find someone else and maybe even someone white who his mom likes. I’m in love with him even though we’ve been through so much trouble and heartache together.
How do I stop thinking about these what ifs?
-Shay
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Shay, I’m not clear. Are you guys currently together or broken up but still talking?
If it’s the former, you need to re-establish the ground rules of your commitment now that he lives an hour away.
If you are broken up and just talking, I would trust the old adage, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.”
And that means you need to move on, too. The best way to get over someone is to redirect your attention to someone else.
By the way, why would you ever be with someone who is a racist, even if he says it’s only his mother’s opinion??? You deserve better.
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