I’ve Never Ended Up in a Relationship. How Do I Become the Girlfriend?

Gina Stewart

Written by: Gina Stewart

Gina Stewart

Gina is the owner of Expert Online Dating. As an online dating consultant, she helps men and women maximize their online dating experiences to get more dates. You can visit her website, www.ExpertOnlineDating.com, for more information or to contact her.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Reader Question:

I’ve dated a number of men in the past year or so but have not ended up in a relationship with any of them. If I am flirtatious and affectionate, they tend to treat me like a booty call. If I’m not affectionate and flirtatious, they treat me like a friend or buddy.

How do I find a happy medium and become the girlfriend?

-Amber (Minnesota)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

There’s a finesse between flirting while also showing you’re a girl who will be respected. Here’s the hard part: Make some rules early on and express them.

Men respond and rise to how you expect to be treated, but you have to know you’re worth it and require they treat you well. Don’t let your flirting go sexual at all in the beginning. Men will assume that’s a green area and you’re down.

If a guy tries to booty call/text you, don’t answer! Then use those flirting skills to joke about how he’s barking up the wrong tree if that 3 a.m.  text was for anything outside of a heart to heart about who the best Beatle was.

You’re still showing a fun and playful side but that you require respect. A guy decides early on if you’re girlfriend material, so you better believe you are.

A mature guy who’s ready for a relationship will continue with you cause you’re cool, fun and self-confident. If he doesn’t, let him go. You don’t want him anyway.


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