This Long-Distance Relationship Isn’t Working. What Do I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

My problem is I am in a long-distance relationship. It’s been fight after fight. He has become indifferent.

We have overcome a lot, but I am getting tired. I have communicated this. He hangs up on me and doesn’t respond to messages.

I know I have a bad attitude, but I feel I am trying to speak up and solve things in a healthy manner. I feel if I don’t make an effort, this isn’t going to work. I can’t do it all alone.

What do I do?

-Rosie (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Rosie,

I don’t know what your fights are about, but I can tell you both of you have poor conflict resolution skills. These poor skills aren’t helped by the fact you have a long-distance relationship and stonewalling is as easy as hanging up the phone.

No relationship survives for long when one partner gives the silent treatment. Eventually, the unheard partner gives up and leaves.

My suggestion is to set some times and places to have face-to-face constructive conversations about the issues with these ground rules: no name calling, no playing victim and no stonewalling.

If this doesn’t work, you two will either need couples therapy or decide to go separate ways.

As for you’re “bad attitude,” men who act indifferent usually don’t come closer when an angry woman nags them. Try to contain yourself before you communicate.

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