What Is Love? Experts Confirm It Really Is a Science

As a journalist, I began writing about relationships nearly 30 years ago, and I’ll admit it: I was trying to fix my own love life. Back then, I’d had a decade of intoxicating flings and sweet romances that all seemed to sour and end with me treading water in an ocean of tears. 

Therapy cracked open the door by making me aware that I was the one choosing my own boy pain. But it was signing up for graduate school in my 30s that really flung open the gates to reveal the whole game board of love (and life). 

Then I began praising the science of love to anyone who would listen.

But my preaching still often falls on deaf ears. One dissertation on attachment theory, three books on relationships, and thousands of blogs, podcasts, and television appearances later, and I am still stunned when someone scoffs at the idea that love is a science. Certain romantic diehards still post comments about soulmates, fate, cosmic destiny, chemistry, mysterious forces of attraction, blah, blah, blah.

Before I present evidence that love really is a biological, psychological, and sociological science with abundant, quantifiable data, let me tell you why I think you should care: Our relationships are intrinsically connected to our physical health, our mental health, and the health of our descendants. Our love lives can impact genes, hormones, neurochemistry, and the well-being of our kids and grandkids!

So now onto some fun facts from my favorite world of science. Let’s start with biology:

Research supports the idea that our body odor — called pheromones — advertises our immune system genes. Mother Nature made sex with someone who has a different set of immunities really hot!

That’s because immune system genes combine to create a stronger human. Even if you don’t plan on making babies, the sex lives of couples with different immune systems tend to stay exciting for longer.

The three primary neurohormones that create feelings of love are:

• oxytocin (the cuddle hormone)
• vasopressin (the exciting hormone)
• dopamine (the delusion hormone)

When some women have sex, their body often produces so much oxytocin that they can accidentally bond and unintentionally fall in love with someone who is incompatible with them.

Check his ring finger. Is it as long — or longer! — than his middle finger? Does he have a low voice? This is because of exposure to certain hormones during pregnancy. And, sadly, these guys are prone to infidelity.

Now for some fun facts from psychology: The anxiety around love and perceived threats of abandonment mean that some people text constantly. Some insecure individuals might even monitor the locations of their loved ones.

Interestingly, the neuroscientists who study attachment can “see” attachment style when they put people in MRI machines and have them look at photos of their lovers.

During early life in particular, trauma or neglect can create certain behaviors and emotional states that are socially pathological. People may form bonds with prospective partners who physically or emotionally hurt them.

Assortative mating is the tendency of people to choose romantic partners who are a lot like them, as in looks, behavior, education, and income.

“Boundaries between social groups are maintained through assortative mating and weakened through intermarriage.” — Christine R. Schwartz

Some behavior economists believe that assortative mating has played a role in the concentration of wealth in a small group of Americans.

During the last few decades, more women than men are achieving higher education, and many of these women prefer to date men who have the same amount of education or more. This is causing a disparity of desired male mates for many women.

For every example of research that I’ve mentioned in the areas of biology, psychology, and sociology, there are hundreds more. 

Researchers are working in universities around the globe, continuing to find meaning in the world of love. Academics are flocking to the studies of human sexuality, bonding, family formation, and gender. I’m thrilled to report on the work of these groundbreaking scientists. I believe that understanding the science of love helps us understand the rules of life and shape our behavior to create longer and more fulfilling lives.