How To Make The First Move Lgbt

Lesbian Dating

How to Make the First Move (LGBT Advice)

Dr. Frankie

Written by: Dr. Frankie

Dr. Frankie

Dr. Frankie Bashan is the CEO and Founder of, which focuses on personalized matchmaking for lesbians and bisexual women, and she has successfully connected singles across the United States for the last decade.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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We have all been there: A certain someone has caught your eye. For whatever reason, you can’t stop thinking about them. The problem is that they are occupying more time in your mind than they are in your actual life.

How do you go about changing that? You could sit and continue waiting for them to ask you out. But, let’s be honest — you could be waiting forever.

At some point, you are simply going to have to make a decision about what you are going to do: continue fantasizing, or make the first move and finally know if your fantasy could be a reality.

I know, I know — it’s easier said than done. For most people, the thought of making the first move evokes pure panic. Nobody wants to put themselves out there and risk rejection.

But do nothing, and you are guaranteed absolutely nothing, not even a chance at being with this person. Not to mention, you also risk having to go through the pain and regret if they meet someone else in the time you are sitting there hemming and hawing about what to do.

So, if you decide to make the first move to just get things started, here’s what to do:

1. Approach Them With Confidence and a Smile

If you don’t actually know this person, but have been admiring them from afar at a bar, party, class, or somewhere else, the very first step is simply to approach them.

Go up to them, say hi, introduce yourself, and maybe even give them a compliment. Remember to smile, and look them in the eyes. This is important. This simple step could help you gauge if they have any slight interest in you.

Photo of two women talking

You deserve to meet someone special, so keep telling yourself that as you approach women you’re interested in.

Looking them in the eyes will also help you determine if you’re actually interested in them. Perhaps, by doing this one simple step, you find out that they are dismissive of you or make a rude comment that you would never have expected from your “One.”

Conversely, they could be pleasant, and you could become even more convinced that this is the person of your dreams.

2. Casually Ask Them to Get Together

If you are in a conversation with this person, and a topic comes up about activities that are going on in town, casually suggest something like “We should go check that out” or “I heard that was fun! Would you want to go sometime?”

It really is that easy.

3. Be Straightforward

Being straightforward will definitely let you know once and for all if there is mutual interest.

Now, let’s say that you are already past knowing the person and have been hanging out. Maybe even had a date, but there has yet to be any physical touch.

Photo of two women laughing

I think it’s best to be upfront about wanting to go on a date with a woman instead of beating around the bush.

You want to avoid moving into the friend zone. That means that, if you’ve gone on one date, and you know you’re interested, make sure that by the second date your actions emphasize you’re not interested in just being friends. Otherwise you’ll find yourself on the friendship path.

If the time has come when you want to move your relationship past platonic, and you’re clear you’re not interested in just a friendship, here’s how to make the first move:

4. Get Close… Slowly

Try sitting next to them, and see how their body responds. If they move close to you or turn toward you, this is a positive sign to continue.

Next, try touching their arm or their leg or holding their hand, and see how they respond with each new touch.

Photo of two women holding hands

If you’re on a date, try sitting closer or putting your hand on hers to see how she responds.

If you continue to get signals from them that they enjoy you touching them, kissing them could just happen naturally as you two are drawn to one another.

However, if you are on a date, you can never go wrong by asking if you can kiss them when you get to the awkward moment at the end of the night and you have not yet kissed, and you want to. Of course, it would be the best-case scenario if your first kiss just happened because you had “that moment.”

If you don’t have that moment, erring on the side of caution by asking them if you can is probably a good idea. Keep in mind people appreciate when they’re given the opportunity to verbally consent.

5. Go In for a Kiss If It Feels Right and Consensual

As with the kiss, it really is all about reading the other person and how they respond to you as you try to go from your first kiss to becoming more intimate.

Your hormones may be screaming at you to rip their clothes off, and you may have fantasized about doing just that more times than you can count. But remember to go slow enough so the other person has enough time to say no at any point.

Photo of two women leaning toward each other

If you feel any hesitation from her, do not kiss her.

Everything needs to feel comfortable, respectful, and fun for both of you. If you initiate anything that is received with any hesitation, don’t take it personally. Just know that you have reached a point where the other person is comfortable at that stage of your relationship. It can never hurt to just communicate and ask if moving ahead feels OK to them.

You’ll Never Know Unless You Try!

Remember, everyone has different levels of comfort in regard to when they are ready to become more physically intimate. Initiating an open, honest conversation with the other person is the first move to increase your physical intimacy. Talking about how each of you feels about what you are ready for, what you want, and such things as protection is important.

To go from not having that special someone in your life to hopefully having them in it does require someone to make the very first move as well as some subsequent first moves to get the relationship moving along.

Being the one to make the first move can be scary, but the beginning of a relationship is exciting and always fun and new!

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