I Met Someone Online Who is Moving Fast. What Should I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

See full bio »

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I just met someone online and they are moving real fast and asking me about my past relationships. I do not want to tell them anything about this area of my life. We are both over 55 and divorced.

What should I do?

-Lesa (Arizona)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

First of all Lesa, you are right to exert some personal boundaries at the beginning of a relationship. Disclosing too much too soon before you are in a trusting situation can be damaging.

And yes, some older men like to settle into a comfy relationship quickly, especially if they have come out of a long marriage and that’s the lifestyle they know.

But you hold the reins. And it is perfectly honest to say, “I know you’d like to know more about me and when we get to a place in our relationship where I feel more comfortable, I’ll tell you.”

And that’s the other thing. Your sentence, “I do not want to tell them anything about this area of my life” rang with a kind of finality.

Not ever? Do you plan on keeping secrets? Because if you are, I will gently point out it’ll be really hard to have emotional intimacy if you insist of leaving a glaring hole in your relationship resume.

Which brings me to my next question: Is there something you are ashamed of?

Lesa, we all make mistakes. That’s how we become wise. Many of us need to learn through experience that a certain kind of relationship is a bad idea. And we need to have compassion for ourselves.

My suspicion is once you’ve made peace with yourself and your past, it will be a whole lot easier to explain it to your new love – when the time is right.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.