When Your Online Match Doesnt Meet Your Expectations

Gay Dating

When Your Online Match Doesn’t Meet Your Expectations

Henry Perkins

Written by: Henry Perkins

Henry Perkins

Henry Perkins is a gay progressional residing in Toronto, Canada and currently blogging on his own dating experiences at www.henryperks.wordpress.com. You can also follow him on twitter @PerkinsHenry.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Every date I’ve had in the past year had originated from an online source.

One of the earliest began with the occasional hello on Grindr and eventually escalated into a full-fledged text relationship.

We realized through our incessant messages we were texting on the precipice of a great relationship.

Everything was going so well I even included him in my imaginary Oscar acceptance speech because I knew I’d eventually have to thank him for giving me a love I had never experienced before…

…but unfortunately I never would.

We never met in person as the chemistry was flourishing. When we did finally meet, the imminent love I imagined was extinguished before it had the slightest chance to exist.

Like the flick of a light switch, in person, he was turned offline.

I let him have the initial blame for our failed relationship, as he had declared himself romantically inexperienced.

I assumed the slightest hint of anything real left him longing for the comfort of the confidence he could only get while hiding behind technology.

But then I considered my own contribution. I know I’m shy around new people, so perhaps my overtly social online identity didn’t translate well into reality.

After a few months, he broke his silence and confirmed the latter.

One of the greatest aspects in the proliferation of social media is the connectivity us gays can experience.

Any lack of direct exposure to the gay community is augmented by the direct access to our own personal online world.


“We can get caught up in the potential of a

relationship that the expectations grow bigger.”

We need to accept a potential reality.

There can be a disconnect between your online persona and your real-life personality.

You can send lengthy emails fully disclosing your harrowing life story and countless agreeable texts describing similar interests, but there’s always going to be gaps you can’t fill with the written word.

The absence of real-life human companionship allows your mind to run free to envision the most perfect first date and the most perfect real connection.

We can get caught up in the potential of a relationship that the expectations grow far bigger than reality can offer.

You may be standing in front of a perfectly decent guy, but he’s standing in the shadow of your own imagination.

Any excitement you had is replaced with a sense of disappointment neither of you deserve.

I’m not discouraging the use of a digital dating scene, but I’m encouraging expediting the time it takes to actually meet. You do need more information than Grindr’s abbreviated profile of height and ethnicity.

There is no better test of compatibility than one in which your eyes can see more than words on a screen and your fingers can touch more than just a keyboard.

How has an online date not met your expectations?

Photo source: mu.nu.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.