Should I Get Back Together with My Girlfriend?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

Should I get back together with my girlfriend?

My girlfriend emailed me saying she liked someone other than me and broke it off. I found out she ended up asking this other person out and getting rejected.

She texted me saying wanted to get back again, even though it hadn’t been more than two hours. I was pretty mad at her and told her I would talk to her at school.

I wouldn’t mind being just friends and maybe giving her a chance to redeem herself.  I’ve known her for three years and we’ve been dating for six months.


Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Dear Angie,

You must be confused and hurt by your “girlfriend’s” behavior. What I see happening is she’s confused and perhaps ambivalent about being in a relationship with you.

There’s a term I use to describe a certain kind of relationship. I call it a BTN (better than nothing) relationship, and no one wants to be the better than nothing relationship. I’m not sure if that’s what you are to your girlfriend, but it’s worth thinking about.

I’d also suggest you ask yourself a couple of questions:

1. Do you feel you can trust her not to do this again?

2. What’s changed in her feelings for you that she’s ready to come back and be committed? Is it only because this other woman said no?

My advice is to take your time and let her prove herself to you by her behavior, not just her words. Trust your own heart because it won’t lead you astray.

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