Is Your Lesbian Girlfriend Btn

Lesbian Dating

Is Your Lesbian Girlfriend BTN?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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BTN? What’s that? “Better Than Nothing!”

Is that what your lesbian girlfriend is doing in your life? She’s better than nothing.

She’s better than being alone? She’s better than having no sex? She’s better than coming home to an empty house? She’s better than spending Saturday night alone? She’s better than nothing?

Yes, lots of lesbians do this. It happens all the time. You go into the relationship because it was convenient, saying “Yes was easier than saying no.”

You are in your BTN relationship because you are a coward. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. You were afraid to say no.

  • You were afraid to hurt her feelings.
  • You were afraid there would be a scene.
  • You were afraid to be alone.
  • You were afraid you’d never find anyone else.
  • You were OK that it was easy.
  • You were OK that your girlfriend was close enough to what you want.
  • You didn’t want to feel guilty.
  • You wanted to find a way to not hurt her feelings.
  • You were afraid your girlfriend would talk you out of it.
  • You tried but the words got stuck in your throat.
  • You are too hung up on her, but you know it will never work.
  • You can’t stand the thought of someone being angry at you.

“Living with lovers who are ‘better than nothing’

is a recipe for years of BTN relationships.”

Saying no is something we learned at 2 years old.

Somewhere in between then and now, you learned saying no was a bad thing.

Perhaps it’s years of your parents saying no to you. Or maybe it’s other people who said no to you that set you up to think you shouldn’t say no.

No is a power word. When you use it, you own your power.

Not saying no when you know it’s the right thing to do is like being a victim. Later you are going to regret it and be mad at yourself and the other person.

When we say no to things we truly don’t want, we start living more in our own truth and power. We feel better. And sometimes we discover we feel great.

Why? Because living our lives with partners and lovers who are “better than nothing” is at worst a recipe for months and years of BTN relationships and at best tedious evenings with boring people.

Life is too short. Learn to say no!

Gay girls, have you ever been in a BTN relationship?

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