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Mary Gorham Malia
If you’re over fourteen, you’ve probably got an ex-girlfriend. Any lesbian worth her salt has a few exes lying around.
The problem is too often we are so busy trying to be friends with our ex that we’re not moving on in our own lives.
You want your new girlfriend and your old girlfriend to get along and be friends. You want your ex to keep you on her speed dial and stay in touch about the latest in her life.
As a dating coach and a lesbian, I’m saying YUCK to all of this.
One of the biggest reasons you have a hard time moving on is you never let go. You break up with your girlfriend and in the next breath say, “I want to be friends.”
The right response to that statement is, “OK, maybe in a year or six months but not today or this week.”
Now this doesn’t apply to someone who you’ve dated just a few times. This applies to the woman who has been your girlfriend, lover or partner for a while.
“Give your heart time to heal and give
yourself space to breathe and adjust.”
And if you’re trying to be friends and are discovering it’s like sticking splinters in your eyeballs, then you’ll appreciate this a lot: You don’t have to be friends with your ex.
The only time friendship makes sense is when you both can bring genuinely positive energy into a friendship and it makes both of you feel good.
If you’re not feeling good with your former-lover-now-turned-friend status, then get out.
Own the reason you’re not up for friendship and don’t project something onto your ex. Own that it’s too soon for you to feel just friendly with a woman who has been your lover for a long time.
Own that you’re going to feel jealous if she talks about a new girlfriend. Own that you’re not going to tell her if you’re dating someone new and that feels like lying.
Own whatever the reason that a friendship isn’t going to work, and then stick to your gay girl guns about it.
After a breakup, give your heart time to heal and give yourself space to breathe and adjust.
Friendship might come down the road, but you can’t rush it.
Have you ever tried being friends with an ex? What happened?
Photo source: etsy.com.