Lesbian Dating

3 Steps for Introducing Yourself to Lesbian Women

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Introducing yourself to that hot lesbian you spied out doesn’t have to be hard or scary. Let me share three steps for making your move.

First, let’s get a picture in your head of the opportunity:

You are in your favorite coffee shop getting your morning half-caf, half-skim latte. Behind the counter is a new employee and she’s taking your breath away. Wow!

She has all the telltale signs she’s lesbian. After your immediate reaction to her, your next thought is, “How do I ask her out?”

Step 1.

Simply say hello, make eye contact, introduce yourself, ask her name, make small talk and be friendly!

Like this: “Hi, my name is Mary. I haven’t seen you behind the counter before. You must be new?”

Then let her answer. Don’t hold your breath, and listen to be sure and get her name. Yes, she probably has a name tag on, but your showing interest in listening to her is important.

She responds, “Hi, I’m Carolyn. Yes, I’m new here. Nice to meet you, too. So far it’s a great place to work.”

So she replied back she’s new to the business and you say something pleasant like, “Well, it’s wonderful to meet you. Are you new to the area also?

Again, it’s a simple question. It’s not threatening and you sound interested in her. Every gay girl likes that.

Your goal is to leave a good impression.


“The most important rule is to not be

attached to the outcome. She could say yes or no.”

Step 2.

This is when you return to the coffee shop in a day or two. There she is behind the counter.

You are now on a first-name basis with her, so start with the usual small talk and go for that important, specific information — is she single?

Perhaps you’ve learned she’s new to the area, so ask if she’s moved here with her partner.

She let’s you know she’s single and moved to the area by herself. Perfect, right?

Perhaps you mention a couple of great places to visit in the city. Then you depart having left another positive impression along with learning the important information that she is single.

Step 3.

This is when you return again in a day or two. Now you are going to feel like old friends.

Talk a bit further about the tidbits she has shared, and toward the end of your transaction, say:

“I really enjoy talking with you and it seems we have some things in common. I’ve lived here for a long time and know the city well. Would you be interested in a short tour of the city some afternoon or maybe just grabbing a cup of coffee sometime?”

There, you’ve done it. You’ve asked her out.

Here’s the deal:

By showing up repeatedly at the coffee shop (bank, store, bar, restaurant, etc.), you’ve created a sense of familiarity and safety. She’s glad to see you.

And how notice the way you ask her out is important. You want to give her the ability to decline gracefully and not feel pushed into a corner.

You are making a clear statement about you and then asking about her interest and availability.

The most important dating rule you can follow for yourself in this interaction is to not be attached to the outcome. She could say yes or no.

If you’re more shy than outgoing, perhaps you repeat Step 2 a number of times until you feel more comfortable and get to know more about her.

Have you ever tried this approach? If you did, what were the results?

Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.