Lesbian Dating

Your Lesbian Dating Past

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Guess what, if we just started dating, I probably don’t want to hear about your lesbian dating past on our first date.

That was simple, right?

Sure it seems simple, but let’s talk about what you’re doing when you bring your past into a possible relationship. You’re messing it up.

When you’re busy telling me about your past dating experiences, I’m wondering if you’re over that lesbian.

I’m wondering if you’re really ready and available to be in a relationship. I’m wondering why you are still so angry, hurt, upset, resentful and whiny about your past relationships.

Yeah, it gets ugly doesn’t it?

Has this happened to you?

You’ve met an interesting lesbian. You got up the nerve to ask her out. She said yes.

Now you’re with her listening to the stories she has about her last relationship or last 10 relationships. It’s all about how she is the victim.

Can you say, “This is getting ugly”? Or perhaps you are seeing yourself in this example.

Talking about your past relationships should wait until you’ve gone out more than a couple of times.

Now that doesn’t mean you can’t mention you’ve been single for the last year or that your partnership of five or eight or 10 years ended and you are now finally feel ready to meet someone new.

That’s the kind of lesbian dating past I like hearing.

You’re not dragging me into the mud. You’re not sounding resentful and hurt.

You’re not looking for me to fix your bad feelings about yourself and your past. A new relationship isn’t going to fix your past. Only you can fix you.


“You can leave your past behind and

stop bringing it into your dating life today.”

Here’s the next question:

If you’re not over your anger and hurt from your last breakup, are you ready to date? Probably not and here’s why:

You don’t want to bring your ugly past into what could be a beautiful and bright future. They don’t match and they don’t work. They actually repel each other.

Yes, that’s right. The negative energy you are carrying around about your past and your dreams of a bright positive future don’t mix and won’t work well together.

What needs to happen? Well, it doesn’t have to take years to get over your ex and what happened.

You can start today by just deciding to let it go. Forgive her. Forgive yourself.

Imagine your hand is holding the strings of a bunch of balloons. Those balloons are the resentment and hurt you’re holding onto.

Imagine each balloon has a word that represents your hurt, resentment, guilt, shame or depression written on it.

See yourself letting go of the strings. The balloons quietly and gently rise up into the sky and float away from you.

You can stop holding onto the disappointment and resentment of your lesbian dating past just as quickly. See them floating away. Open your hand and let the strings go.

Just like that you can leave your past behind and stop bringing it into your dating life today.

You’ll stop chasing off potential great gay girls who thought you were interesting but, after listening to your stories, went in the other direction.

You can do it today. What are you waiting for?

I’d love for you to leave a comment and tell me what happened when you let go of that bunch of balloons!

Photo source: themindfulword.org.

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