I Can’t Get Her Out of My Mind. Is It Wrong to Be a Hopeless Romantic?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I recently met a woman who has been married for 34 years. We became really good friends, but she said some things that made me think she was a lesbian. I wasn’t even thinking about anything lesbian in my life until I got hooked on her.

When I confronted her that I was in love with her, she denied everything. I know she was in love with me also, but I can’t seem to get her out of my mind.

Is it wrong to be a hopeless romantic and believe in fairy tales coming true?

-Crissy (Florida)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Dear Crissy,

As someone who also came out later in life, when we fall in love for the first time, it’s a powerful experience with powerful emotions.

It’s impossible to really know what your friend was thinking or feeling.

So what can you do? Focus on what you have control of – yourself and your mind. Start paying attention to what your mind is doing.

When it starts to think about your friend, make yourself stop and redirect your attention to something else that requires physical effort. Go jogging, take a walk, clean the bathroom, mow the lawn.

By changing what you are doing with your body, you’ll find it easier to move your mind off the friend and into your present.

It’s wonderful to be a romantic, but no one should be hopeless! I believe there is more than one person out there who you can find and fall in love with if you just don’t stop looking.

Great loves are found every day, Chrissy, so stop looking back at someone who doesn’t want you. Step forward into this new life you’ve got and enjoy it.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.