Are You A Lesbian Are You Coming Out

Lesbian Dating

Are You a Lesbian? Are You Coming Out?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Celesbians isn’t a term you’ll find in the dictionary…yet. And if you’re lesbian, you know who the celebrities are in our little lesbian world.

There’s Ellen. We might call her the kingpin of celesbians.

She started a movement. She came out on TV with Oprah in 1997. That went so well that she was then able to write a coming out scene into her rock star TV show named…tada…Ellen!

Of course, with Ellen we also have her lovely wife, Portia. Yes, we know them by their first names. No second name required.

Portia’s legal name is actually Portia Lee James DeGeneres. She filed to have it changed by the court in California in 2010.

Portia was one of those women who was out but not really out. She openly dated women for years but didn’t come out professionally until she started dating Ellen.

There was no way for her to date Ellen and not be all the way out.

Here’s the point I want to make.

You can be all the way out or not out at all. When you start dating, your level of outness can become a big issue.

If your potential girlfriend is all the way out, it’s doubtful she’s going back into the closet for you.

She’s going to want you to step out, and maybe all the way out. Are you up for that?

 

“In or out, it’s your decision based

on what you think is best for you.”

Only half living.

As the Gay Girl Dating Coach, one of the areas I help women with is the coming-out process.

I meet women every week of every age who are facing their truth and deciding to take the leap to come out.

And when a woman acknowledges her attraction to women later in life, there are a lot of decisions to be made about coming out.

When you are dating, if you’re both closeted and want to stay that way, then the lesbian fairy godmother has really helped you out.

In all honesty though, you know you’re only half living when you spend part of every day being afraid you’ll be found out.

A few years ago I had the pleasure of dating a woman who has a very public professional life. She is not out in her professional life and doesn’t want to be.

I wanted to be out, out, out and it was a problem.

It’s not much fun to go to a special event where there is music, dancing, fine wine and a romantic atmosphere and not be able to hold hands, dance or give your girl a little kiss in public.

It’s even harder to go to that event and have her spend the entire evening dancing with men because she’s hiding the fact she’s queer, even though everyone knows she’s queer. It’s just not being spoken about publicly.

It’s one of the big reasons our relationship didn’t work.

Get the picture?

Many lesbians don’t want to date someone who is in the closet.

If a woman has done the work to be all the way out, why would she want to go back into the closet?

In or out, it’s your decision based on what you think is best for you.

Out or not, it’s your choice but know it’s going to have a big impact on your dating life if you’re living in the closest.

Photo source: staticflickr.com.

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