I Have Fantasies About Being With a Man. Should I Go For It?

Brian Rzepczynski
Brian Rzepczynski Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

I’m 41 and single. I occasionally have thoughts and fantasies about being with another man. I’ve actually fantasized about it since I was a teenager, but I’ve never had the guts to go through with it.

I’ve never been successful in my relationships with women, so I wonder if I try being with a man, I might find that’s where I should’ve been all along.

Should I just do it and see if I like it?

-Bob (Oregon)

Brian Rzepczynski’s Answer:

Hi Bob!

Part of a healthy sexuality is the ability to responsibly explore and experiment to acquire a better understanding of what we like and don’t like.

You’ll want to be sure your motives are in the right place. Being with a man solely because relationships with women have been a challenge won’t be the magic cure and could become an added stressor.

If there is a genuine erotic interest and attraction in other men, it’s common as an adult to go through a period of adolescence as you make sense of all these feelings and test the waters.

The important thing is to become as educated as you can about gay male sexuality and safer sex practices, and be sure you’re emotionally ready for this next step.

Additionally, you’ll want to become connected to the gay community, build up your gay support system so you can meet some quality people and consider dating as an option to ensure your first time is with someone safe and special.

Lots of coming out support groups abound as well, so you might want to check these out, too. Good luck with your quest!

Dr. Brian

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