We’re Both Gay. Should I Make a Move?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’ve meet this girl and I have told her I like her. We’re both openly gay and I want to make a move on her. I sort of think she is expecting me to make a move.

-Sabrina (Massachusetts)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Dear Sabrina,

You are probably correct. As I travel the country talking to lesbians, I find the majority of lesbians won’t ask another woman out even if they really like her.

It’s really sad to think of the missed chances to find love because women are uncomfortable asking another woman out.

Here’s how to think about it: If you never ask, it’s a no and you’ll wonder for a long time, waste emotional energy and hurt yourself by not taking any action.

If you ask her and she says yes, hurrah!! If you ask her and she says no, you might be hurt and disappointed, but you’ll be able to move on and won’t waste time on something that can’t happen.

Don’t be afraid of the NO! Be afraid of missing a chance for love even more. Oh, and ASK HER OUT!

xo, Mary

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