We’re Both Gay. Should I Make a Move?

Were Both Gay Should I Make A Move
Updated:
Mary Gorham Malia
Lillian Castro

By: Mary Gorham Malia

Editor: Lillian Castro

Our dating experts guide readers step-by-step through relationship challenges and romantic decisions in our popular series of advice articles.

Reader Question:

I’ve meet this girl and I have told her I like her. We’re both openly gay and I want to make a move on her. I sort of think she is expecting me to make a move.

-Sabrina (Massachusetts)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Dear Sabrina,

You are probably correct. As I travel the country talking to lesbians, I find the majority of lesbians won’t ask another woman out even if they really like her.

It’s really sad to think of the missed chances to find love because women are uncomfortable asking another woman out.

Here’s how to think about it: If you never ask, it’s a no and you’ll wonder for a long time, waste emotional energy and hurt yourself by not taking any action.

If you ask her and she says yes, hurrah!! If you ask her and she says no, you might be hurt and disappointed, but you’ll be able to move on and won’t waste time on something that can’t happen.

Don’t be afraid of the NO! Be afraid of missing a chance for love even more. Oh, and ASK HER OUT!

xo, Mary


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

About the Author

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Mary Gorham Malia

By: Mary Gorham Malia

Lesbian Dating Expert

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

See Mary's full bio »

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