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Mary Gorham Malia
If you’ve spent any time browsing the net for advice about lesbian relationships, you’ve probably run into plenty of advice that was just plain impractical.
Ideas like taking your sweetie for a weekend get-away or preparing a homemade gourmet meal are great, but not everybody can do those things. What’s worse, these ideas miss the point.
Fortunately, there are a lot of ways you can create a sense of closeness in your relationship that don’t require a lot of time, money or talent.
A great relationship is based on how close you are with each other, not how much you spend. A great relationship takes focusing on a few simple practices that create and deepen connection.
This is one piece of advice in love relationships you can live by. It sounds so simple, but if you follow me at Gay Girl Dating Coach for any length of time, you’ll find this one being repeated again and again.
If you love someone, you naturally treat her with kindness and respect, right?
Well, that’s usually true when you only see that fabulous gay girl now and then and when the relationship is new, fresh and exciting. But as time passes and you get more familiar with each other, it’s easy to forget.
The remedy? Pick someone you deeply respect, whether it’s your Nana or your favorite professor, and don’t say or do anything to your lesbian lover or partner you wouldn’t say or do to that person.
If you slip up (we all do), do the right thing and apologize.
Remember, sometimes just one thoughtless statement can end a relationship. And sometimes a heartfelt, sincere and quick apology can also save your relationship.
“There are some things about
relationships that never change.”
Have you ever been excited about some great idea you had and rushed off to share it with a close friend only to have that friend act ho-hum or, worse, start tearing you down? Well, don’t do the same to your darling girlfriend.
When your girlfriend shares her goals and dreams with you, say something positive even if you don’t like the idea. After that, it’s fine to point out major flaws in a plan, but do it gently and constructively.
Something like, “So you want to become a teacher, huh? I know you’d be great at it, but teachers don’t earn much. Do they? Would you be OK with that?”
You are being kind, yet you bring up an important point for her to consider. Once your gay girl has decided to take the plunge and try for a major achievement, your support or lack thereof can make or break the relationship.
When Miss Right does something you find irritating, think twice before you bring it to her attention. Is it something she can easily change, or would it require a major personality overhaul?
As every lesbian knows, your girlfriend nagging you rarely works to make you change.
If in all honestly you can’t see your gay girl changing without years of nagging, you have the choice to put up with it, break up or nag for years, if you’re into that kind of thing.
And if you are a nag, prepare to have relationships end often. No gay girl worth her “I’m a lesbian” tattoo wants to live with constant nagging.
It’s ugly. It sucks the fun out of life and love. It’s toxic. And what is it getting you anyway? It will kill your sex life. It will keep your girl from wanting to come home at night. And it will chase your friends away on top of it.
Learning to let go is powerful for creating peace and connection. Learning to overlook annoying little habits your lovely lesbian lover has can mean the difference between a relationship lasting a year or 25 years.
Is it better to be right or to be loving and loved?
Well, ask her what your annoying habits are. She’ll tell you. Then you can both agree to stop nagging about those things together. You can both let it go and chose love instead.
Once you choose to overlook your girlfriend’s annoying habit, don’t bring it up even during an argument. That just ruins all the good work you are doing every other day in letting it go. It says you’ve actually never let it go. Get it?
Remember, acceptance and tolerance is often one of the things women in long-term partnerships cite as a reason for their success.
They’ve learned to let go of what cannot be changed and to stop bringing up failures and hurts from the past.
Living in the present, respecting one another, supporting your girlfriend’s right to think differently and try new things, and finally accepting those things about her that aren’t going to change will bring a level of peace, acceptance and closeness to your relationship.
Whether you’re still in that giddy, falling-in-love stage or you’ve been together for years, there are some things about relationships that never change.
Make this real-world advice part of how you live your life and your lesbian love can and will blossom.