We’ve Been Dating a Month. Should I Wait Until He Says He Loves Me?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I met a wonderful man online. We have been seeing each other for a month now. We are intimate. We get along wonderfully. We are 56 and 59. He is a widower of more than a year.

Should I just wait until he is ready to say he loves me?

-Deb (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

I assume your question means you are wondering if you should tell him you love him first because it seems like these are feelings you’re having.

Let me explain something:

Women fall in love way faster than men do. The other thing is a man can have sex with a woman, in fact frequent sex with the same woman for a long period of time, and never fall in love.

Sex and love are two separate things for men. For women, it can get commingled.

It sounds like you’re looking for a relationship definition. You didn’t get a commitment from him before you began having sex, so now you’re in the low criteria phase wondering what this relationship is.

Does he love you? Is it OK to blurt out what you’re feeling?

I’ll tell you this much: If you tell him you love him first, that won’t necessarily solidify things. In fact, it might scare him.

I say wait it out. Remember men fall in love through trust, not sex. Women fall in love sometimes through sex, so what you’re experiencing right now is the height of sex hormones, not necessarily long-term trusting love.

Sure, you get along wonderfully. You should. It’s only been a month! I’d say wait a few months. Let’s see if you two really are in love.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.