Reader Question:
I met a wonderful man online. We have been seeing each other for a month now. We are intimate. We get along wonderfully. We are 56 and 59. He is a widower of more than a year.
Should I just wait until he is ready to say he loves me?
-Deb (California)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
I assume your question means you are wondering if you should tell him you love him first because it seems like these are feelings you’re having.
Let me explain something:
Women fall in love way faster than men do. The other thing is a man can have sex with a woman, in fact frequent sex with the same woman for a long period of time, and never fall in love.
Sex and love are two separate things for men. For women, it can get commingled.
It sounds like you’re looking for a relationship definition. You didn’t get a commitment from him before you began having sex, so now you’re in the low criteria phase wondering what this relationship is.
Does he love you? Is it OK to blurt out what you’re feeling?
I’ll tell you this much: If you tell him you love him first, that won’t necessarily solidify things. In fact, it might scare him.
I say wait it out. Remember men fall in love through trust, not sex. Women fall in love sometimes through sex, so what you’re experiencing right now is the height of sex hormones, not necessarily long-term trusting love.
Sure, you get along wonderfully. You should. It’s only been a month! I’d say wait a few months. Let’s see if you two really are in love.
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