5 Signs Hes Infatuated Not In Love

Women's Dating

5 Signs He’s Infatuated, Not In Love

Kimberly Seltzer

Written by: Kimberly Seltzer

Kimberly Seltzer

Kimberly Seltzer, LCSW, is a therapist, matchmaker, personal image expert and dating coach. She practices a unique blend of therapy, in-field coaching and styling to help people with their confidence and dating life. Moreover, Kimberly is also a single mom who specializes in working with divorcees to get back out into the dating world. Sign up for her free Body Type booklet and newsletter at www.eliteimagemakeovers.com.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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You meet a man for the first time and it feels magical. You are hypnotized with the intoxicating chemical reaction that draws you to him.

He tells you how beautiful and sexy you are and he can’t wait to see you again. He describes in detail where he wants to take you and talks about future dreams together.

The minute you get home, you receive multiple texts from him indicating a passionate desire to see you again. You end up spending hours, days and even weeks in succession with him.

It is almost as if time has stopped, and although life continues around you, you can’t see anything outside of you being intertwined with this man.

Then out of nowhere he disappears

His calls and hot texts stop. The whirlwind of the romance you got caught up in abruptly plopped you down, leaving confusion and damage around you.

You lie there in dismay and disbelief, shaking your head and trying to make sense of what just happened.

Sound familiar? This tornado effect as I call it is a common phenomenon almost every woman has encountered.

It is easy to get caught up in it because it feels so real and exciting at the time, but beware of these men who come on strong with too much, too soon and too fast, as it usually ends as fast as it comes.

Here are some tornado warning signs to pay attention to and how to protect yourself so you don’t get caught in the storm.

1. He showers you with compliments and sexual comments

Men who come on really strong in the beginning will constantly tell you how hot you are and will focus on your physical appeal with sexual compliments.

Often these men pay little attention when listening to you and never compliment your personal attributes.

Instead, they ingratiate themselves by telling you how great you look to get what they want.

Set boundaries and declare your wants and needs.

If you are a caretaker, be careful that you are not putting him before you.

Let your date know what you like and dislike. Does he respect your desires, or does he only do what he wants?

2. He exhibits compulsive and addictive behaviors

Pay attention to the man’s ability to voluntarily disengage from an activity.

Addictive behaviors are engaging in excessive activities like gambling, drinking, sex, drugs and texting to achieve a feeling of well-being and euphoria.

Often these guys who come on strong have a dependency on these activities to feel alive, which is why they like to create it with you.

The problem is it can’t sustain itself over time, so they move on to the next thing to try to fill themselves up.

If your man engages in a lot of addictive activities, let him know it bothers you and see if he is able to stop.

3. He only talks about his own feelings and desires

Is there reciprocity in your feelings, or is it just one-sided? What are you doing to reinforce that dynamic?

Be careful to not just sit and listen to it all.

Instead, try talking about your interests, concerns and express your feelings.

When expressing yourself, you should be able to see if he listens or seems to care.

4. He moves in on you fast and furious

Men who create the intoxicating whirlwind move fast.

There is no sense of pacing, timing or boundaries. In fact, he will create this feeling of dependency by making the relationship between you two more important than you are to yourself.

Don’t give away your personal value by doing too much, too soon, too fast.

Pay attention to how you are relating to your dates or potential partners. Are you always playing therapist by listening intently, offering advice and doing things for them?

You can offer these things as a loving partner, but pace it out and see if they are able to offer you the same in return.

5. He promises the moon

These men get so caught up in the moment with you that they’ll make empty promises and talk of future plans that never happen.

Test if his words get put into action. Does he mean what he says and says what he means?

Consistently being late or last-minute cancellations of plans can be a red flag. These men love to talk but rarely follow through. Remember actions always speak louder than words.

Overall, there may be traces of these signs in every man you meet. The beginning of every relationship involves an infatuation stage.

The key is to look for extreme behaviors and keep the pacing and progression of the relationship in check.

If the man really likes and admires you, he’ll respect your desire to take it slow.

Remember you can’t change the guy. All you can do is change yourself to get a different result. If you respect yourself, he’ll respect you because you are worth it.

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