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With few visible role models of successful gay couples to emulate, many gay singles have grown up without a roadmap on how to navigate the uncharted territory of the dating market.
Even with more growing acceptance and validation of gay relationships in the past couple of decades, as well as the influx of self-help material that’s flooded the Internet on how to best land one’s Mr. Right, an abundance of confusion and frustration persists in the gay singles community on how to go about meeting a compatible partner and making that relationship last over the long haul.
Many have come to recognize that all the hype about “The Rules” of dating and all the formulas on how to snag a mate are really based on game-playing and psychological maneuvers to manipulate love into happening.
Today’s savvy gay man knows dating is more art than science and that the only path toward love is through authenticity and connection.
What this means is the keys to dating success lie in being unapologetically ourselves, showing up in our lives and relationships, expressing our true selves and living our lives with purpose, passion and truth.
It also involves understanding and honoring social etiquette and learning to treat ourselves and our fellow single gay comrades with respect and compassion.
By blending these components and living a dating life with integrity, relationship success can be more readily yours because there are no facades or distortions to sift through, and the energy that one exudes with this type of confidence is extremely attractive and magnetic.
So how is this accomplished?
DO’S to gay dating success…
This will ensure that you are both physically and emotionally available for a love relationship when it shows up in your life.
Address unfinished business from the past, grieve prior losses and work on promoting physical and emotional health to get your body, mind and spirit in their best possible shape.
This will give you a solid foundation going before a relationship enters the picture. This way you won’t solely define your identity by a relationship and become dependent, and you’ll have a more whole and fulfilling life to create balance.
This will reduce any internalized homophobia that could potentially sabotage a good coupling.
Many relationships that had great potential never got off the ground because of this type of baggage, and personal growth efforts in these areas are well-worth the investment.
This will help you appropriately screen dating prospects for compatibility when you’re meeting people. This will considerably save you time, energy and stress in your mate selection process.
DON’TS in gay dating…
While these can certainly be important, knowledge of your personal requirements should be your guideposts in making choices that will be aligned with your values and ultimate satisfaction.
And don’t try to portray yourself in the image of what you think others want or what you think will attract a particular man.
You won’t be able to keep the charade up for long and your partner will eventually feel betrayed. Authenticity is the ultimate pair-bonding glue.
If you’re not interested, say so in a tactful way instead of making promises that aren’t delivered or by rejecting or disappearing without a word. We are all seeking companionship and unconditional love and acceptance.
If it’s not a match with a particular dating prospect, be honest, assertive and gentle and express gratitude for the opportunity to have met. Offer sincere well-wishes. We all deserve to be treated with respect. Both words and non-response have the power to hurt.
Don’t mislead the people who you are getting to know. Dating integrity means doing what you say you will do and being truthful with your intentions so as not to confuse and lead someone on whose motivations are pure.
What are some other dating do’s and don’ts that you’d add to this short list? Please contribute!