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“A good man often appears gauche simply because he does not take advantage of the myriad, mean little chances of making himself look stylish. Preferring truth to form, he is not constantly at work upon the facade of his appearance.” ~Alanis Morissette
Perhaps the biggest question mature single women ask is where and how to meet a good man.
In this context, let’s say a good man is a man of respectable character who is interested in a loving, committed relationship with a woman. He is emotionally available, responsible, caring and employed.
At this point, you may be rolling your eyes and thinking these men are as rare as an ancient Ming vase at a yard sale.
While there may be an argument to be made that there are plenty of readily available good men out there, I am honest enough to concede that as a 40-something single woman, it certainly didn’t feel that way to me.
So beginning with the premise that there are actually more relationship-ready single women than men in the world, what is a girl supposed to do?
It is important to be clear about what kind of a relationship you want and what qualities and characteristics you desire in a potential partner.
However, the danger in being so rigid or specific is you may miss an opportunity to get to know a really good man.
Do you want a man who is perfect or a man who is good? Do you want someone who has the wisdom which comes only through vast life experiences, yet you wish he came without any of the baggage?
Are you clearly able to recognize a good man with real potential even if he doesn’t wow you with his looks, charm or personality at first?
The point here is sometimes you have to look below the surface to find the hidden gems.
“If a relationship is really important to
you, be ready to make some effort.”
Living your life in a joyful way is going to require some forgiveness and healing. Nothing is less attractive than bitterness, and it is rare for anyone to make it past 40 without having a multitude of things to be disappointed about.
Life happens to all of us and the men you meet are in need of some compassion as well.
Now I am not suggesting you take a man on as a “fixer-upper” project, but I am suggesting some genuine kindness and understanding is in order.
Beware of serious character flaws and addictions, but be willing to give a decent, well-intentioned guy a chance.
I can’t tell you how many women tell me how much they would like to have a relationship but haven’t done much of anything to meet someone new in years.
It is amazing how many men you can meet if decide to make this a priority.
If you are really serious about finding a great man (despite what may seem like insurmountable odds), you need to have a strategic, proactive social strategy.
Many women take a very passive approach to meeting new men and believe it will just happen if it is supposed to.
Really, ladies? Do you actually want to leave this to chance?
You may believe women who find love later in life were just “lucky,” but more often than not, there are intentional actions they took to create the opportunity.
Yes, you should lead a full and happy life as a single woman. No, you do not have to have your life revolve around meeting a man.
However, if a relationship is really important to you, be ready to make some effort.