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Gay parenting is on the rise!
Whether he has children from a prior heterosexual relationship, has gone through foster care or private adoption or has fathered a child with a female friend or surrogate, a growing segment of the gay dating market is gay dads.
As admirable and inspiring as this is, I was surprised to hear from a client recently that he finds his status as a gay dad to be a liability in the gay singles circuit.
His experience has been that many gay men express interest until they discover he has children. Then they fade away into the woodwork.
I’ve heard this sentiment echoed by other single dads.
Perhaps some single gay guys don’t want the responsibility of caring for another man’s kids or having to contend with blended family issues.
Perhaps they never wanted or contemplated the idea of having a family since this is a relatively new concept for gay men.
Unless kids are a genuine deal-breaker, guys should definitely consider the affections of a man with a clan.
Gay dads oftentimes provide stability and security, have experience with relationships and know how to treat someone special in their lives.
There’s a maturity involved that can be very sexy and appealing.
Being a single gay dad can make dating a bit more challenging because of the extra roles you have to juggle, but it can be done.
It’s all about time management because the guy you end up dating is going to want to feel like a priority in your life and that you have time for him.
“It takes a secure man to share
a new boyfriend with kids.”
If you’ve tried all of the other traditional methods for finding dating prospects with little success, here are a few more specialized ideas for you:
Are there any groups in your area for gay parents? If not, create your own group and lead the development of your own community.
You can create the gay version of the straight single parents group, “Parents Without Partners.”
Let them know right away you’re a gay dad so you can quickly screen qualified prospects. Those men who don’t want to have children will not respond to your ad.
There are a variety of discussion boards and forums specializing in gay parenting online.
The April 2008 issue of “The Library Journal/Gay Parent Magazine” has a plethora of resources, books, DVDs and associations for gay parents that might help your dating life.
And for you gay dad admirers, the key to winning his heart is through validating his kids and understanding they will be his number one priority.
It takes a secure man to share a new boyfriend with kids during the honeymoon period of a relationship, but it’s absolutely essential you don’t create a power struggle involving his having to make a choice between you and his children – because he’ll always pick them first.
By accepting this and opening yourself up to the possibilities, you could be affording yourself a kind of love and sense of family you’ve never experienced.
Give those gay dads a shot — they are truly diamonds in the rough!
Are you a gay dad? How do you balance dating with kids? If you’re not a gay dad, would you be willing to date a gay man with kids?