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“Where do I go to meet quality gay men?” is a question I hear a lot from single guys aspiring to meet their Mr. Right.
After a long dry spell of being on the solo circuit, or even experiencing a series of recurring dating disappointments, the frustration can ultimately balloon into a sense of defeat and jadedness if not careful.
The gay bar has been a traditional place where gay men have been able to meet each other.
Thankfully, with the growing acceptance of the LGBT community, meeting places have generalized to areas of more visibility as our access to each other has increased.
And that’s a wonderful thing, especially since the gay bar isn’t always the most successful venue to meet a true dating prospect.
It can happen, but it’s more difficult because of the unknown variables about the men in this establishment, not to mention the sexualized and “cruising” atmosphere can sometimes be an interference.
The key to meeting a compatible partner is to align yourself with venues where there will be a greater probability the men in that context share similar interests and values.
This is why it’s essential in dating to have sufficient self-knowledge and take a personal inventory of who you are and what you stand for.
This means taking stock of your value system, as well as what your personal requirements are for a partner and a relationship.
Without this awareness, dating becomes a random, directionless activity that rarely yields positive results unless one is lucky.
“It’s essential you assert yourself and
become proactive in the moment.”
Armed with this information, you can now position yourself in situations and environments where other like-minded men will congregate.
Your odds for meeting someone compatible have now tripled, unlike a bar where you have no idea about any of these guys’ backgrounds or intentions.
For example, if personal growth and spirituality are key values for you, perhaps going to a gay retreat or conference devoted to these topics would surround you with similar men.
Or if you’re big into politics, volunteer for your favorite candidate so you can become involved with others who share this same passion.
Personal ads are good starting places to screen out some of these variables when assessing dating profiles, though it is more time consuming to reach the recognition of alignment.
The point is the more compatible the venue is with your interests, values, purpose and mission in life, the greater the odds you’ll meet a love match than mixing and mingling in a public place or a bar.
It can still happen, but it requires a lot more energy with a much lower return of investment.
If you find it difficult to position yourself in your desired venues, I’ve found looking through gay publications that advertise community events or volunteer opportunities to be helpful.
Meetup.com is also an excellent resource for searching for like-minded groups of people.
If you don’t see any groups that match your needs, you can start your own group and begin attracting a compatible crowd!
Additionally, while it’s important to place yourself in the right context, this is only half of the solution.
Being in the right place will only serve you if you take advantage of the opportunity.
This means it’s essential you assert yourself, talk to the other guys and become proactive in the moment. Get involved and avoid passivity.
Your Mr. Right could be within your vicinity and you don’t want to lose the chance of making a connection!
What are some of the venues and meeting places you’ve found helpful for meeting quality gay guys and compatible dating partners? Do share!
Photo source: obu.edu.