What Are Dating Personals? Definition & How They Work

Take a caveman and transport him in your time machine to the present day, and he’ll tell you (in grunts): “Wow, a lot has changed!” We’ve got indoor plumbing, communication devices that fit in the palms of our hands, and giant metal machines with wheels that carry us wherever we want to go. What hasn’t changed, he’ll also tell you, is the desire to find love. 

Dating personals refer to ad listings created by singles seeking a romantic partner.

From the Stone Age to modern day, humans have sought meaningful connections and loving relationships. From passing notes to writing ads in newspapers, people will find all sorts of ways to put themselves out there. Now that we have digital listings available on our mobile devices, it’s even easier to find new opportunities.

Technological advancements have empowered people to connect at an unprecedented scale — certainly unforeseeable to our hairy, grunting ancestors. 

In this guide, I will explore the transformation of dating personals, dive into their various (but limited) forms, and dish out a handful of benefits and challenges to consider. I hope that, by the end, you’ll be armed with all the information you need to turn your dating goals into a reality.

Definition | Types | Purpose | How It Works | Benefits | Challenges

In simple terms, dating personals are personal listings where singles describe themselves, state what they’re looking for in a partner, and provide contact details for potential matches to get in touch. 

The best way to explain how these listings work is through the famous “Piña Colada Song” by Rupert Holmes. You know the chorus – it rings through the halls of wedding celebrations, retirement parties, and luxury beach resorts all over the world.

The lyrics of this iconic American bop are from the perspective of a man who is “tired of his lady” and seeking an escape. He ends up reading a personal ad (another word for “dating personal”) in the newspaper. It was written by a woman who, funnily enough, is also looking for an escape from her monotonous relationship. She writes:

“If you like piña coladas /

And gettin’ caught in the rain /

If you’re not into yoga /

If you have half a brain…”

The speaker, evidently convinced that they’re a match, responds to the personal ad by publishing one of his own:

“Yes, I like piña coladas /

Gettin’ caught in the rain /

I’m not much into health food /

I am into champagne…”

Spoiler alert: He goes to meet up with this perfect woman of his and finds that his current lover was behind the ad all along. What an M. Night Shyamalan-type twist (but in a good way).

This song, in addition to inciting chaos among the crowd at any alcohol-fueled event, demonstrates the power of dating personals to bring people together based on common interests. You may not be particularly into tropical-fruit-based drinks, but your personal ad is a chance to clearly describe what you are into so you can weed out the no’s and make a clearer path for the maybe’s and the yes’s. 

There are only two types of dating personals: those that are printed in newspapers and those that are published on digital platforms. 

In the Newspaper

Newspaper personals, such as those mentioned in “The Piña Colada Song,” were a common way for people to get connected with potential suitors before the advent of the internet. Singles looking for love would find a picture (or two) of themselves, share some personal info, and cite qualities that they’re looking for in a partner. 

A personal ad published in 1727, for example, reads:

“UPRIGHT YOUNG LADY LOOKING FOR A WARM HEARTH — Single female with good education, moral fibre, and unbending principles. Patient and sedate. Seeking a kind, gentle partner; clergyman preferred. Favourite pastime: reading and correspondence.”

Such newspaper ads still exist, but are few and far between. Another causality of the internet. And speaking of which…

On the Web 

Online personals are much more common these days. Over the past 20 or so years, these romantic propositions have taken on digital form (via websites like Pernals or Doublelist), or have been almost completely (keyword: almost) supplanted by dating apps like Match, Tinder, and Bumble.

Although the number of dating personal sites is dwindling, they continue to serve a valuable purpose in the modern dating landscape. Let’s get into it.

Connecting Individuals Seeking Relationships

After leaving the college bubble and entering the real world, it becomes increasingly difficult to make new romantic connections — or new connections, period.

Publishing personal ads is a way to mitigate this difficulty.

An online ad projects your info onto a digital space where lots of people can access it and reach out if they’re interested in knowing more Online personals create opportunities to light the spark of romance between you and a stranger.

Facilitating Communication and Matchmaking

Current online personals give singles a chance to get to know each other using various communication features. They can send a private message or even a calendar invite for a video meeting.

Whether through messaging systems, chat rooms, or video calls, you and your contenders can chat with one another and decide for yourselves whether the match is a good one. 

If there seems to be potential, you can take this virtual flirt-fest into the real world (aka, you can start planning your first date).

Tailoring Search Criteria to Specific Preferences

Most mainstream dating apps present you with matches based on some sort of calculation for compatibility. This compatibility is determined using an algorithm — and it will differ slightly depending on the platform you’re using. 

Dating personals, however, leave algorithms out of the equation completely, and place the power to determine compatibility in the hands of those looking for love.

Users can scroll through local listings to their hearts’ content or narrow down their options with search filters that may account for descriptions such as geographic distance, age range, interests, and dating goals (e.g., casual, long-term, etc.).

We’re no longer limited to dating classmates, coworkers, or mutual friends. Instead, we can explore new dating pools by placing personal ads and tip-toeing outside our own social circles.

1. Create a Dating Profile

If you’ve ever put together a profile for Instagram or Facebook, creating one for a personal ad will feel pretty similar. Depending on the platform, you’ll likely need to provide a recent picture as well as basic information about yourself (location, age, hobbies, etc.).

My advice to you? Don’t half-a$$ it. The more relevant information you can share about yourself, the more you’re giving potential suitors to work with. 

2. Select Date Preferences

Finding a hottie to date is great, but if compatibility came down to looks alone, the world would be a very different place — and the success rate of couples on “Love Island” would be higher than 5%. 

I’d encourage you to get specific about what qualities (not related to appearance) you’re hoping to find in a partner and what you want your future relationship to look like.

For example, if you’re looking for something casual, say that. If you just need a wedding date for the weekend, say that. If you’re finally ready to find the Ron to your Hermione, say that. The more direct, the better.

3. Search the Personals List

After you’ve set up your profile and stated your personal preferences, it’s time to get to the fun part: the search! Use the available filters to get rid of profiles that fall outside of your preferred mile radius, age range, or dating goal preferences, and clear up space for those more aligned with what you’re looking for. 

4. Start Messaging

No mutual matches needed here! Once you lock in a potential suitor, you can use your wit, charm, and emoji game to start building rapport. The conversation doesn’t have to be all that deep at first — just keep asking good questions!

You could ask them about something you found interesting in their profile, exchange funny memes, or (if you’re looking to get down to brass tacks) jump straight into arranging a first phone call or date. 

Some apps even integrate video calls into the platform and cut out the need to exchange phone numbers or meet in person to get a feel for chemistry.

If singer-songwriter Ruper Holmes can use dating personals to find love, why can’t we? Let’s take a look into the most significant pros of taking this digital approach. 

Accessibility and Convenience

Because it’s natural for social circles to shrink as we leave school and enter into the professional world, it becomes increasingly difficult to forge new connections as time goes on. With the help of dating personals, however, singles can unlock access to hundreds if not thousands of interesting singles — all at the touch of a finger. 

Control Over Search Criteria

When you use dating apps, you only have so much control over what kinds of potential matches are presented to you. Sure, you can state your preferences and change your filters, but, at the end of the day, you’re at the mercy of that particular platform’s algorithm. 

With dating personals, on the other hand, you are the captain of your own ship. Instead of relying on a mathematical formula to find your perfect match, you can rely on your own discretion (if you so dare) and use filters to simplify your search.

Time-Saving

Finding love, funnily enough, is a bit of a time suck. But when you have a personal ad website on your side, you can reduce time significantly by gaining access to a larger dating pool than you’d ever hope to encounter organically. Plus, when you get search filters into the mix, you can cut down on hours spent to an even higher degree. 

Anonymous Browsing

Dating can be a very private, personal experience — especially if you’re just starting to put yourself out there. Luckily, most personal ad platforms allow you to search for potential partners anonymously, ensuring that you’re able to keep your cards close to your vest. 

When there’s a yin, there’s got to be a yang. Here are the most notable challenges singles come across when enlisting dating personals in their love-seeking artillery. 

Manage Expectations

You know the drill: All is fair in love in war. Whether you’ve met someone organically or online, there’s always the chance of getting hurt or rejected, so having a realistic mindset going into it will be important. Stay grounded in self-confidence, stick to your values, and remember that anything good in life takes time. 

Keep an Eye Out for Scammers

The internet is rife with sneaky, creepy, and straight-up vile characters looking to take advantage of unsuspecting users. In fact, almost 70,000 people fell victim to online romance scams in 2022 alone.

To make sure you don’t become just another statistic, familiarize yourself with the warning signs of catfish and other types of scammers before taking that first step in your love-seeking journey.

Data Hacks and Security Risks

Headlines about illegal data mining and data breaches have, unfortunately, taken up an almost permanent spot on the front page of all our favorite news sources. That said, I want to point out that having your personal information stolen is always a risk when you create an online presence. 

The only thing you can really do to reduce this risk is create listings on reputable platforms that use strong security measures to protect account holders. Oh, and pray to the online dating gods, of course. 

It’s no secret that the way we find romantic connections has changed drastically over the last 30 years. “The Piña Colada Song” is a prime example of how dating personals work – and how they can fool you sometimes. 

As people grow tired of mainstream dating apps and yearn for more control over their search for partnership, these digital listings may just be the fresh (but not really that fresh) alternative society is looking for. They’re convenient, easy to use, and put more matchmaking power back in the hands of the person who knows you better than any algorithm ever could: you. 

Despite the potential obstacles you may encounter, it’s still worth a shot if the end result is meeting the love of your life — or attending a wedding with a lovely date you met online. In both cases, the outcome could look like getting tipsy and singing the lyrics to your favorite 1970s pop song: “If you like piña coladas, getting caught in the rain.”