What Is Online Dating? Finding Romance in the Digital Age

At this point, it’s clear that the dating zeitgeist has changed. You can’t walk into a coffee shop or partake in a people-watching session on the subway without spotting a single person swiping away on Tinder, Grindr, Match, eharmony, or another popular app. 

Online dating is the widespread practice of searching for a romantic partner via a dedicated website or app.

And are we really surprised? These platforms are quick, convenient, and far-reaching in ways our parents and grandparents could have only dreamed of. They had to use things like newspaper ads to meet people. You’d be looking for a date in the same place you’d find a plumber, it was weird.  

Still, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the whole online dating thing, especially if you’re new to it. Don’t worry, though. I’ve got your back. Here are all the basics you need to know about online dating, from where it started to where it’s going. 

How It Works | Benefits | Challenges | Social Implications | Success Stories | Future Trends

No dating website or app is exactly the same (otherwise, why even bother having more than one?), but most of them are built on similar concepts. Here are some key components:

Dating Profile

Your dating profile is kind of like your social media profile. It’s a way to let others know who you are, and it has a lot of detail for a first impression.

At the most basic level, you’ll have to provide some personal information (name, date of birth, location), recent pictures of yourself (the more up-to-date the better), and a brief bio. 

Online dating users need to feed the algorithm key information to help it find compatible matches. The more honest you are, the better your matches will be. You’ll likely need to state your sexuality, relationship goals (casual, long-term, not sure, etc.), lifestyle habits, and interests.

Matching Algorithms

Speaking of algorithms, what the heck are they? In the context of the digital dating space, algorithms are AI-driven mathematical formulas or instructions designed to analyze user data (such as geographical location, dating goals, lifestyle, and interests) and make predictions about romantic attraction. 

Or, in plain English: Algorithms provide you with compatible matches. They’re the engine that makes online dating apps work.

Messaging & Other Forms of Communication

Once a match is made, it’s time to get flirting. All dating apps will offer some sort of messaging feature (sometimes paid, sometimes free) that allows you and your potential date to communicate privately. 

This is your chance to explore compatibility through text, audio, or video messages and, if all goes well, start planning your first date. 

People can say what they want about online dating (and my friends who met their boyfriends in college certainly will), but these handy dandy digital tools are popular for a reason. 

Accessibility & Convenience

Putting yourself out there to meet people in real life takes effort. You have to join running clubs, approach people at the gym, or (gasp) actually dress cute for work. Dating apps, on the other hand, require nothing more than a smartphone (or computer) and a couple of swipes. 

You can swipe through hundreds upon hundreds of local singles from the comfort of home, all while sporting your favorite spaghetti-sauce-stained pair of sweats and streaming “Love Island UK” in the background. Sounds like a fun night to me!

Expanded Pool of Potential Partners

Sure, the internet may be stifling our social skills, altering our circadian rhythms with blue light exposure, and turning us into mindless zombies, but it’s also doing something pretty incredible: Making the world a significantly smaller place. 

This is a particularly appealing feature for young people who aren’t in school anymore, adults moving to new cities, and shy singles who have more reserved personalities. 

Dating apps and websites can unlock access to social opportunities and dates that they likely wouldn’t have had access to otherwise. 

Compatibility Assessments

If the 50% divorce rate in the U.S. tells us anything, it’s that humans don’t have the greatest track record when it comes to choosing partners. Luckily, dating apps have a lot of solutions to take the guessing game out of the search for love. 

The eharmony algorithm is the brainchild of psychologists and relationship experts, and it draws from deep compatibility factors, including family values and communication styles, to pair singles with true long-term potential.

Most dating platforms design their algorithms to match people based on various aspects of compatibility, such as dating goals or lifestyle habits. This is why it’s so crucial to be as thorough as you can when filling out your profile. 

As convenient and thrilling as online dating can be, it’s no walk in the park. (If it were, we’d all be boo-ed up by now, and my girls-only group chat would have a lot less to talk about). 

Let’s get into a handful of the most common obstacles you’ll come across as you venture down the digital dating path. 

Misrepresentation: Catfishing and Scams

Let’s be real: It’s way too easy to lie online. Whether it’s a catfish falsifying their identity, or a scammer tricking people into sharing personal information, sneaky characters can be found in every corner of the internet. 

Before you think to yourself, “I’d never let that happen to me,” allow me to share this statistic with you: In the U.S. alone, 20,000 people fall victim to catfishing every year. Sadly, Americans lost a grand total of $158 million to romance scams in 2022.

You’d be surprised at how quickly you abandon caution when you come across a hottie with the same “House of the Dragon” obsession as you. Romance scammers know how to find a person’s weak spot and sweet talk their way into building trust.

Overwhelming Choices & Superficiality

Unlocking access to such a large pool of singles has created a unique problem for those who use dating platforms regularly — social scientists refer to it as The Paradox of Choice. 

The concept suggests that having more options actually leads to a higher likelihood of dissatisfaction once the choice has been made. Think about being presented with an extensive menu at a restaurant. Customers more often than not feel overwhelmed by the amount of items and fear that they’ll make the wrong decision.

Additionally, because dating app profiles are centered around images of potential matches, I would argue these digital spaces encourage a fixation on looks rather than the more important aspects of compatibility, such as personality traits, dating goals, and family plans. 

Safety and Privacy Issues

One of the many caveats of online dating is that it’s risky to share your personal information with an online match you’ve never met, but doing so is sometimes a necessary requirement in the dating process. 

Now, I’m not saying you need to give someone your Social Security Number and credit card PIN to fall in love, but you may need to share your address with them if they’re picking you up for a date (ideally a second or third date), or you may need to give your last name if they’re signing you up for cooking classes at Sur La Table. Such is the risk you take when you venture forth on the path toward partnership. 

However, there are always precautions you can take along the way to better protect yourself. Like not accepting a ride from a stranger and always meeting in a public place for a first date.

Racial Bias & Discrimination

Online dating may feel like an entirely different world sometimes, but it’s really just an expanded version of the one we already have. That said, there’s no question that the racial biases and discrimination you may experience or witness around you are projected onto the apps we use to find connection and community.

For example, many apps allow users to select ethnicity preferences when creating a profile. This filter will prioritize users of specific ethnicities and create a rather homogeneous swipe experience.

Queer singles face discrimination in a much more direct way because many big-name apps do not allow non-binary folks to identify that way on their profiles. Luckily, more and more queer-friendly spaces are launching onto the scene by the year.

Just as we are impacted by the music we listen to, the shows we watch (like “House of the Dragon”), and the TikTok videos we consume (…mostly about “House of the Dragon”), we are impacted by the apps we use. Dating platforms are no exception. 

Changing Norms (For Better And Worse)

Thanks to the convenience of these finger-friendly digital widgets, couples from all over the world have connected, fallen in love, and entered into beautiful, long-term partnerships. 

As the use of such digital platforms has become increasingly socially acceptable, people have also begun to warm up to alternative forms of dating, including one-night stands, casual sex with an FWB, and bedroom roleplay — all of which can be very positive for sexual exploration. 

Interestingly enough, these positives can just as easily be considered negatives. As we mentioned before, the accessibility and wide reach of online dating apps can create confusion and uncertainty in the partner selection process. Long-term usage of the apps may even create a “grass is always greener” mentality. 

Furthermore, the normalization of casual sex has put more people at risk of contracting STIs, as well as experiencing heartbreak and mental health struggles.  

Impact on Self-Esteem

When a swiping session (or a series of swiping sessions) doesn’t go your way, it’s easy to internalize the experience as a personal failure. You may begin to question your adequacy as a partner and compare yourself to those around you who have received more “Super Likes” or matches than you have. 

I can sit here and tell you, “No biggie, there are plenty more fish in the sea,” but at the end of the day, rejection sucks. That said, it’ll be up to you as a user to take the necessary precautions to protect your mental health while you search, or simply decide that the apps just aren’t for you. There is no wrong answer.

Relationship Statistics

Enjoy being a hater all you want, but the stats don’t lie: Dating apps work. 

According to a 2023 Forbes survey of 5,000 respondents, “70% of individuals who met someone on a dating app said it led to a romantic, exclusive relationship.” What’s more, another study showed that, despite whether the use of dating apps has resulted in marriage, 40% of respondents claim that dating apps have made meeting new potential partners easier. 

A particularly interesting statistic also partially credits online dating for the increasing acceptance of interracial marriage in the U.S. According to a study published by Oxford Academic, couples who got connected online are more likely to “be interracial and interethnic than those who first meet offline.”

Arguably, this cultural shift has played a part in the nearly 300% increase in interracial marriages since 1995. 

Success Stories From Real Couples

I can personally count on two fingers the number of people in my life who met their significant other on a dating app…OK, I admit that’s not a lot, but don’t worry — the success stories don’t stop with my social circle. Thousands of couples all over the world have found love online, and a few of their stories can be found here:

“I saw him on my Most Compatible page on Hinge and made the first move. It was my ‘one more for the road’ because I was fatigued with the apps and had so many lackluster or bad dates. We talked for three hours over dinner. A year later and we’re going strong. We are even talking about moving in together!”

—u/oldmanpuzzles

“I met him on Tinder. I went on a dinner date, and there were sparks. We just celebrated two years of the happiest, healthiest relationship of my life. Not sure what’s in the cards for the future except more happy times. Excited to see where this goes and just enjoy the ride.”

—u/Affectionate_Law1287

“We met on OkCupid in college, I moved to his city for grad school. We have been married for almost five years now, and while I don’t know if soulmates are a thing — if they are, then he is 100% mine.”

—u/kate180311

Here are some more online romance triumphs to be awww-ed by if you’re wondering if online dating really truly works.

The world of online dating is changing and it’s changing fast. Here are a few trends you can expect to see in the upcoming months/years. 

Technological Advancements

A number of AI-based innovations are currently in the works across dating platforms new and old, a number of which are designed to enhance your profile with better bios and prompt responses, select your best pictures (and create new, AI-generated ones), provide pick-up lines, and even flirt for you. 

Additionally, there are a handful of budding platforms shifting their focus away from the superficial selection process and leaning into the concept of “voice dating.”

The app TalkNow, for example, requires users to create an audio description for their profile and select up to three pictures. The hope with this modification is to ignite sparks based on personality compatibility and banter rather than looks. 

More Consideration of Quality in Swiping

Spending hours on end swiping, sending “likes,” and engaging in dead-end conversations is creating a phenomenon social scientists are referring to as “dating app burnout.” Hoping to combat these feelings of exhaustion and frustration with the apps, young daters (Gen Zers and Millennials) are looking to emerging dating platforms to create spaces where quality rather than quantity of “swipes” are prioritized. 

IRL Meetups Becoming Part of the Process

Many singles are so fed up with the current online dating landscape that they’re considering opting out of digital romance altogether. That’s right: the future of online dating is offline dating. Bet you didn’t see that coming!

With more and more young singles favoring in-person connections, many mainstream platforms are working on incorporating IRL dating into the online search for love.

Bumble, for example, recently launched Bumble IRL, a series of in-person dating events designed to help singles connect over activities such as spin classes, community service projects, or a night out at TopGolf.

Like so many advancements that have come out of the technological era, online dating has left an unmistakable impact (you know, like a meteor crater) on the modern social landscape. 

For much of the population, public meet-cutes, office romances, and blind dates have been replaced with nightly swiping sessions, mutual matches, and text prompts. Despite how the public’s feelings on these changes may wax and wane, it’s safe to say that apps like Tinder aren’t likely to get ghosted anytime soon. 

With cutting-edge AI advancements and a shift in focus toward authentic matchmaking, I would hope that these digital platforms go on to play a healthier — and more successful — role in our lives as the way we seek human connection continues to evolve. 

Of course, online dating isn’t perfect and doesn’t work for everyone, but the only way to find out if it’ll work for you is to give it a try. Best of luck!