Cant We Just Be Friends

Women's Dating

Can’t We Just Be Friends?

Debbie Martinez

Written by: Debbie Martinez

Debbie Martinez

Debbie Martinez is a certified life coach specializing in divorce and is a Supreme Court certified family mediator with a private practice in South Florida. She has a bimonthly divorce column in Miami’s Community Newspaper and you can read her blog in The Huffington Post. She has been a contributing writer in several magazines and gives workshops on divorce and relationship issues. For more information, you can go to her website,

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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It’s a Saturday night. You are on your third date with this fabulously handsome guy and have a drink in your hand.

He turns to you in the glow of the candlelight and says ever so sweetly, “I think we should just be friends.” Total mood crusher. Knife meet heart. Not what anyone with romantic aspirations wants to hear.

At that moment of friend-zoning, you may swing into your convincing gear and with every ounce of energy you have, attempt to convince him why you two should be more than friends. I’m going to go into why that’s a big mistake.

Ladies, ladies, really?

Did you check your self-respect in at the door with your coat? Let’s take an in-depth look at this whole situation and put it in perspective.

The facts are you have had three dates with this man. Yes, he might be quite pleasant to look at, he might have a few dollars in the bank and you probably have spent several nights building a movie around this “relationship,” but that is it.

Even if you have been dating him for a while, the outcome is the same: He just wants to remain friends.

Why is that so hard to accept?

My question to you is why is it so hard to just accept that you might not be what he is looking for and not build it into something more than that?

Not being someone’s type doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It just simply means you are not the right fit for him.

The mistake women (and men too, honestly) often make is they immediately try to talk the person into being more than friends.

The end result is you still end up being just friends and you come across looking like you have no self-confidence and are needy. Clearly this is not the last impression you want to leave him with.

“An honest evaluation might sting,

but it will prevent heartache.”

It’s time for some self-reflection.

If that phrase seems to be a recurring theme in your dating life, it is time for some honest self-reflection.

Is it something you are doing, the way you come across, or is it the type of men you are attracted to? For the latter, look for common denominators in these men, and then ask yourself what need they are fulfilling in your life.

We tend to stay with people who fill a need whether it is positive or negative. Is it something you are doing? Are you sleeping with them too quickly or have tried to become ever-present in their lives after just a few dates?

An honest evaluation might sting a bit, but it will prevent further heartache down the dating road.

Mandy Hale sums it up by saying, “The person you’re meant to be with will never have to be chased, begged or given an ultimatum.” And the barber sums it up by saying, “Next.”

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