Women's Dating

Why You Shouldn’t Sleep with Him on the First Date

Marni Battista

Written by: Marni Battista

Marni Battista

Marni Battista, founder of Dating with Dignity, has professional training in dating and relationship coaching as well as training in the Core EnergyCoaching Process from the Institute of ProfessionalExcellence in Coaching (IPEC).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Even if the chemistry you are feeling on a first date is out of this world, it’s probably best to hold off on sleeping with someone (no matter how awesome he may be).

Although some relationships do last, whether or not you sleep with someone on the first date, Dating with Dignity has a few smart reasons not to do it.

1. A test.

Waiting to sleep with someone is kind of a loose “test” to see if you have the values your date is looking for.  

If you have any interest beyond simply sleeping with someone, waiting until you get to know them a wee bit better is certainly going to work in your favor.

Men actually like a challenge. The pursuit to sleep with a girl is directly linked to their idea of romantic potential!

Plus, if your date disappears after you don’t sleep together, you probably weren’t looking for the same thing anyway.

Waiting creates anticipation, and the good guys will hang around.

Remember you don’t ever “owe” him anything, no matter how much dough he spent on dinner!


“If you get intimate slowly over time, you really

get to know each other in an authentic way.”

2. Emotional and physical feelings.

You allow your emotional feelings to catch up with your physical feelings.

So you’re on the first date and it’s the BEST first date you’ve been on. Sparks are flying and you are thinking you may just go home with him. He’s so hot!

But wait and remember this: You don’t even know where he lives. You also don’t know what his brother’s name is or when the last time he had a girlfriend was.

You might know if he has a roommate because he just told you five seconds ago, but you basically only have skeletal knowledge of this guy’s life.

And you should know a whole lot more before you hop into bed with someone you want to get to know long term.

Good things come to those who wait! High levels of physical chemistry are awesome, but so are high levels of liking each other and getting to know each other.

Get to form some thoughts about his college major and a real opinion about what he thinks of global warming before you get to know his naked self. And let him do the same!

So often we fall for the potential of someone based on a physical connection rather than collecting data about who he really is so we can making a calm, conscious choice.

3. You now get to set the pace of the relationship.

If you sleep with a guy on the first date, you’ve probably lost the ability to control the speed at which your relationship progresses.

In the event you do sleep with him, he may think it’s likely you do this with every guy you go on a first date with – in which case, the pace could lead to the finish line right away.

The result? Game over and he may never call you again.

If you slow it down and get intimate slowly over time, you really get to know each other in an authentic way.

Plus, once you hit the sheets, the days of lingering over coffee and dessert, walks on the beach and talking until three in the morning will most likely end.

Instead, you will be doing the deed day and night. And, if he is really “The One,” why end the delicious experience of making out like teenagers that typically ends once you have sex?

Most important, if he is interested, although he will probably still be trying to get in your pants (we are all animals after all,) he will probably also be trying to get into your heart.

What ways do you keep a date exciting without having sex on the first date?

By Marni Battista, founder and CEO of Dating with Dignity. Connect with her on Google+.

Photo source: singleblackmale.org.

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