What Do I Say to a Guy Who Wants to Have Sex on the First Date?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Reader Question:

What should I answer to the guy who just wants to have sex on the first date…in case I like him and don’t want to rush?

-Rose (Thailand)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Rose,

You should tell him clearly you are attracted to him but you do not want to have sex with him because you’d rather build a strong friendship first.

Tell him people who have sex within 30 days of meeting have about a 90 percent chance of breaking up within a year and you don’t want to be part of that statistic.

Don’t say, “I’m not ready yet.” To a guy, that can mean you’ll be ready in 10 minutes. And don’t use a token “no,” that is, saying no, while still hugging and kissing. Men interpret that kind of “no” as exciting foreplay.

Instead, physically move away from him and ask to be taken home. You don’t have to be angry. You can be polite, firm and say it all with a smile on your face.

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