Dating Older Lesbians Is More Fun

Lesbian Dating

Dating Older Lesbians is More Fun

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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It might have surprised you. You were out with friends and she walked into the room. She might not have even noticed you, but you definitely noticed her. Now you can’t stop thinking about her.

She’s older and sexy in a very different way than lesbians your own age. She’s confident. She’s sure of herself in ways that some of the lesbians you’ve dated who are your own age aren’t.

She’s had a lot of experiences and a few big adventures. She’s so damn interesting and sexy. You can’t stop thinking about her, but she’s so much older than you.

What do you do?

If you’re the go-after-what-you-want kind of gay girl, you proceed directly to her location and dive in with conversation.

You can even just go right for it and ask her if she’s single and available for a drink or coffee and a one-on-one conversation.

If you’re like most of us, you’re a little on the shy side and sort of introverted. It’s not your style to just walk up and start asking questions or asking for a date.

The first thing we all do is ask around to learn more about her. Who knows her? Is she available? Where is she from, and what does she do?

All that information can feel good because it creates some sense of safety.

You feel good because you now know something about her, but you haven’t even said hello to her yet. And whatever you know isn’t getting you to a date.

“Don’t start off by getting stuck on

how old she is or how young you are.”

How to ask her.

If you want a date with her, you’re going to have to figure out how to ask her.

When I had the experience of much younger women asking me out (yes, it has happened a few times), I loved the attention.

I loved that a lesbian half my age thought I was both that interesting and that attractive.

Each one approached me in different ways.

One was very direct. We met at a meetup event and she came over and started talking to me. In the course of an hour, she just asked me out. Simple, right?

Another darling younger woman who I’d known and seen around for years asked me out by text after we’d seen each other casually at a local park during a gay rights rally.

Was I surprised? I was shocked actually and totally flattered. We did go out a few times. It was sweet but not destined to be a relationship.

Once I had a party at my house and invited every single lesbian I knew in the city.

A whole lot of them turned up and we were having a great time. The doorbell rang later in the evening and I went to open it and met a beautiful younger woman I’d never seen before.

She actually lived just down the street from me. We talked a bit and I went on to my hostess duties.

During the evening, every time I turned around she was there. She was also the last to leave and she took that moment to ask me to join her for coffee the next morning.

I said yes. We enjoyed a few months of dating and then both moved on.

From my perspective, I don’t ask much younger women out, but I definitely have been open to being asked out by younger women. (Please don’t call me your cougar.)

You have nothing to fear.

I’m sharing my personal experience to help you see that you really have nothing to fear.

The worst that is going to happen is she says no, but there is a chance she will say yes. If you never ask, the answer will always be no.

In my own case, I said yes a couple of times and I said no a couple of times. In all cases, I was flattered by being asked. We all want to be wanted.

How much older is too much older?

In the straight world, older men date much younger women all the time.

Older women are now much more openly dating younger men in the straight world, so why would lesbians be any different?

There are lots of reasons why this is happening, and it happens in our dear little lesbian world also.

Don’t start off by getting stuck on how old she is or how young you are. If you ask and she says yes, you’ll figure it all out as you go along.

That’s what dating is all about — figuring out if you are a good match for each other while having fun and enjoying being a lesbian.

Go for it. Ask her out. She might prefer you don’t call her your cougar, but I’ll let her tell you that herself.

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