First Date Tips For Shy Lesbians

Lesbian Dating

First Date Tips for Shy Lesbians

Kara Pound

Written by: Kara Pound

Kara Pound

Kara Pound is an award-winning journalist based in St. Augustine, Florida. She holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from Flagler College. Her work has been published in INKED, Natural Awakenings, Design Aglow, Memphis Flyer, Jacksonville Magazine, E/Environmental Magazine, and dozens more. Check out some of Kara's work at

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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No matter if you’re lesbian, gay, bisexual or straight, dating poses uncomfortable and unsure situations for all of us. But for a shy or timid lesbian looking for love, it can be a bit more difficult. After all, gay women have to consider more than just a wedding ring when it comes to meeting a potential partner. So whether you’ve been out of the closet for 10 years or just 10 months, here are some tips to boost your self-confidence and have a successful first date.

Remain calm.

So it’s T minus one hour until you’re first date with a woman you think is phenomenal, but you can’t stop the waterworks under your armpits or the nervous twitch your left eyelid does every time you’re feeling stressed out. Aside from downing a few shots of Johnnie Walker Green Label (not recommended), just try and play it cool, and do a few breathing exercises if you think that will help. Chances are, this girl is just as nervous as you are.

Be prepared.

By now, it’s 10 minutes before you walk into the restaurant where you’re meeting her and your brain is racing with questions like, “What if she doesn’t think I’m attractive?” or “What if I make a fool of myself and spill my drink all over the table?” or “What if I run out of things to say?”

That’s why it’s important to be prepared. Think about taking a test in high school. You wouldn’t show up without looking at the lesson plan. Take a few minutes to think of a few current events or personal topics you think will make for interesting conversation in case of an awkward silence.

Be yourself.

So you walk into the restaurant and she’s waiting by the hostess area for you. Now the butterflies are really going crazy in your stomach — actually, you’re feeling pretty nauseous. But she’s so pretty and so kind, and you really want to get to know this woman. You don’t want to screw it up and blow your chances.

Remember, never send a representative when meeting someone new. That means you should always be yourself. Wouldn’t you rather be yourself and not go on a second date then act like someone else and realize five years into the relationship that you’re miserable?

Let’s say the date is underway and it’s going pretty well. But you’re still nervous about every word that comes out of your mouth, and you feel like every second of silence lasts an hour. How do you relax? Again, do yourself a favor and don’t drink too much “courage juice” (a.k.a. booze). That will only make you look a train wreck that can’t handle her shyness or her alcohol.

Instead, be honest and tell your date you’re nervous. Getting it out in the open will do wonders. Most likely, she’ll admit she’s nervous, too. Just be yourself, and the rest will follow suit.

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