Defining Bisexual

Lesbian Dating

What Does Bisexual Mean?

Emma Estrada

Written by: Emma Estrada

Emma Estrada

Emma Estrada is a writer and performer from the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles, CA. She has a bachelor’s in English Literature from UC Berkeley and studied Commedia dell'arte at Ecole Philippe Gaulier. She’s been freelance writing since 2019 and has written, acted, and produced award-winning short films, a web series, and a one-woman comedy show for the 2024 Hollywood Fringe Festival. She still lives in Los Angeles despite repeated efforts to leave.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Reviewed by: Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks is the Editor-in-Chief at DatingAdvice.com. When she was growing up, her family teased her for being "boy crazy," but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating and relationship expert. As an English major at the University of Florida, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about a variety of subjects. Now with over 1,800 lifestyle articles to her name, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to DatingAdvice.com.

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As described by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, bisexuality is the sexual orientation of a person who is attracted emotionally, romantically, or physically to more than one gender

While some may see bisexuality as a gateway to homosexuality or a phase a young person goes through in college, many people live in this gray or, shall I say, rainbow area. 

As American psychologist and sex researcher Fritz Klein points out, American society loves labels; however, being bi+ means defying those labels through one’s very existence. He describes it as a form of “sexual expression.” Similar to artistic expression, the artist feels freer to be themselves when they aren’t judged, ridiculed, or condemned for their choices. 

The same goes for the queer individual navigating their sexuality: There is no correct way to love. Embracing one’s sexuality for what it is can be a liberating experience, but it can be a difficult road to reach that level of self-acceptance. 

Defining Bisexuality

Bisexuality is fluid. You can be bi and a virgin, or be bi and have had sex with only one gender. There’s no single defining characteristic. 

But because this section’s heading is literally “Defining Bisexuality,” we’ll examine who practices it, who identifies as it, and some key terms related to a bisexual dating life. 

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Bisexuality is on the rise in the young generation. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey, bisexual people make up around 75% of young people who identify as LGBTQ. People of any gender can identify as bisexual. 

Celebs & Role Models

When I think of celebrities, I rarely fantasize about their talents and contributions. I am much more interested in their personal lives and the types of people they take to bed.

It can be empowering and reassuring to see people we admire openly loving significant others despite societal taboos. 

Some bisexual celebrities include the actress Angelina Jolie, the musician Alanis Morrissette, the writer Ana Castillo, the actor Christopher Walken, the singer Frank Ocean, and the actor Gerard Butler. 

How It Differs From Pansexual & Fluid Dating

Bisexuality means that a person is attracted to more than one gender. Pansexuality refers to people who are attracted to romantic partners regardless of gender. There is a common misconception that the term bisexuality only refers to people attracted to cisgender men and women, but this is far from the case. 

Many bisexuals experience attraction to transgender and non-binary people, and their preferences may not involve cisgender men or women at all. The “bi” in bisexual simply refers to “more than one,” compared to the “all” implied by pansexuality. 

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Wherever you reside on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, if you prefer not to put a label on your sexuality, then fluid dating may be your jam. This term encompasses all types of attraction. 

Similar to the term “gender fluid,” fluid dating is an open arrangement that fits curious people of any sexual orientation. However, it is more than just experimentation. While some people only dabble in fluid dating as part of exploring their sexuality, many find their sexuality to be innately fluid. 

These people often identify as queer and do not need to be actively dating to be considered sexually fluid. You can be in a committed relationship with a partner for decades and still be queer.

What Is a Unicorn?

A unicorn is a mythical creature that is as elusive as it is beautiful. In the context of dating, it refers to a type of person who is extremely difficult to find. 

In the context of bisexuality, a unicorn is a woman who wants to join an existing couple relationship to have sex with both of them, either for one night of pleasure or for a long-term commitment. They are called unicorns because such women are extremely rare, as this dynamic is rooted mainly in the fantasies of straight men. 

Many members of the LGBTQ+ community frown upon the practice of “unicorn hunting,” as it contributes to the fetishization of bisexuality and often results in an unbalanced relationship where the bisexual member of the throuple is viewed as a secondary partner.

Unicorns do exist, and there is nothing inherently wrong with this sort of relationship. However, much of the fantasy surrounding the unicorn relationship is rooted in myths and negative stereotypes that the bisexual community has long struggled to overcome.  

Myths, Stereotypes & Challenges

Many myths and stereotypes surround bisexual people. Such misconceptions can result in discrimination and other difficulties.

It’s no secret that bisexuals have faced discrimination over the years for their sexuality, even from other members of the LGBTQ+ community. A 2019 study by the Human Rights Campaign found that 68% of bisexual, pansexual, queer, or sexually fluid people aged 13-17 have faced bullying or mistreatment due to their sexuality. 

In fact, despite representing roughly 50% of the LGBTQ+ community, bisexuals are often excluded from LGBTQ+-related conversations. 

They frequently face skepticism about their orientation, with people assuming they are straight or gay based on their current partner. Or they are painted as being unfaithful or promiscuous due to their supposed inability to “settle” on one gender. 

Because of this widespread biphobia, bisexuals face significant health disparities, alongside higher rates of depression and anxiety compared to other members of the LGBTQ+ community.   

Fickle or Noncommittal

One myth that people attribute to bisexuals is that they’re fickle or noncommittal in relationships because they could quickly leave for a different gender. This is a damaging myth because promiscuity and sexuality are not the same. 

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Claiming that bi people struggle with commitment or are unavailable partners can invalidate their experience. Bisexual people can be in long-term committed relationships and still be bisexual, and bisexuality does not indicate a higher chance of infidelity.

Unfortunately, this stereotype can result in bisexuals having difficulty forming relationships, as there is an innate expectation of unfaithfulness.  

Sexually Active 

Another myth is that bisexuals tend to be more sexually active than the average person. A person’s sexuality has little to no correlation to their sexual activity. A bisexual person may have only had one partner or no partners.

They could even lack sexual attraction entirely, preferring to connect with partners on a strictly romantic and emotional level.

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Even if someone is sexually active, they are expressing themselves and fulfilling their needs. This isn’t bad if they are being safe and respectful, and it’s not worthy of outside judgment. 

Sexual shame still exists in our culture, but it doesn’t mean we have to give it power over our decisions. Sex education can go a long way in dispelling these harmful stereotypes. 

Bisexual Erasure

Bisexual erasure means that people question or deny the legitimacy of bisexuality as an identity. 

Some people claim bisexual people are going through a phase because they are confused or undecided. The thinking goes, “One day, they’ll get clarity and make a choice if they’re homosexual or heterosexual.” 

Then, when a bisexual person marries, outsiders say, “See? You’re straight.” Or “There, you chose to be gay.” In reality, the person is still bisexual, even if they’re not actively dating men and women. Even if they’ve only dated one gender, they can still identify as bisexual, and it’s valid.

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Sexual orientation is about attraction. Some people may have phases of experimentation in their lives, and some may transition into identifying as lesbian, gay, or straight. However, plenty of people experience bisexuality as a long-term orientation. 

Bisexuals come across a lot of opposition on both sides of the spectrum. “That confusion is a function of oppression,” according to a paper from Cleveland State University. Only in rigid, limiting belief systems can this oppression thrive. 

Resources and Support

Several helpful resources are available for people who may be questioning their sexuality, interested in learning more, or in need of some support, education, and community. 

Peer Groups 

If you’re looking for a group of people to share experiences about bisexuality, check out the virtual meetings of the Loft Gay Centers’ Bisexual Peer Support Group. A trained facilitator runs this group, and regular attendance can be a great way to meet other bisexual individuals, learn more about your sexuality, and navigate challenges around your lifestyle and identity.

LGBTQ+ Advocacy Organizations

Some LGBTQ+ nonprofit organizations focus on advancing the equality and rights of the LGBTQ+ community. Some organizations that provide resources if you or a loved one is bisexual include GLAAD, Bisexual Resource Center, Human Rights Campaign, and PFlag. 

Bisexual-Friendly Dating Apps

Online dating is tricky enough on its own. Modern singles face an array of seemingly limitless options. Add bisexuality to the mix, and it can get overwhelming.  

Most mainstream apps have historically been curated for either homosexuality or heterosexuality, with not much in between. That’s slowly begun to change in the past few years. 

Advancements in apps such as OkCupid and Tinder have allowed bisexuals to experience online dating without picking sides. Certain apps have given way more visibility and representation in dating. 

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Bisexual singles have the option to pick from men, women, and non-binary people on their dating preferences and toggle that selection as they so desire. 

Whether a person is looking for a hookup or a long-term connection, dating apps can cater to bisexual dating needs. 

LGBTQ+ people are more likely than heterosexuals to use a dating site or app (51% compared to 28%). This may be because individuals in the LGBTQ+ community tend to be more sex-positive as well as more vulnerable to attack. Queer people can find the safety and control of online dating comforting. 

Bisexuality Isn’t a Phase

If you are interested in learning more about your sexuality, you can take online quizzes such as the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid on bisexuality, or you can read books, date with an open mind, and talk to peers.

It’s important to understand that bisexuality isn’t just a passing phase or a college experience. It’s a part of who you are. The sooner a bisexual person can accept themselves and receive support from their loved ones, the sooner they’ll feel respected, seen, and understood. 

Sexuality is such a diverse and dynamic spectrum, so respect and understanding are critical to the mental and physical well-being of everybody, especially bisexuals. 

Statistically, bisexual people are more likely to experience higher rates of suicidal ideation and mental health issues. To fully support the LGBTQ+ community, we have to serve the bisexual community. If we don’t stand for one group, we deny the rights of all.