How To Find A Keeper Through Online Dating

Online Dating

How to Find a Keeper Through Online Dating

Brit McGinnis

Written by: Brit McGinnis

Brit McGinnis

Brit McGinnis is an award-winning writer and blogger. She served as the snarky Nina KaPow in the sex column Ruffled Feathers. She writes about love, marriage and video games at You can connect with her on Twitter, and Pinterest.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Everyone has that one friend who uses online dating sites to find casual hookups or dates. It’s undeniable — a lot of people use those sites to find temporary relationships or even to swing.

Indeed, many sites and apps have popped up recently specifically to fulfill this need.

That’s all fine, but what if you’re looking for something that will last a long time? As in an actual long-term relationship? In the current online dating climate, it’s easier said than done.

But here’s how to do it:

1. Keep the mission in mind.

First of all, accept that looking for an actual long-term relationship through online dating outlets will take some time.

It’s totally worth it, but you’ll probably have to sort through a lot of people.

Inevitably you’ll come across some pretty good-looking folks who are looking for something a lot more, er, temporary. Stay strong! You’re not a fuddy-duddy for wanting a long-term relationship, and let no one tell you otherwise.

The moment you start compromising and going with part-timers is the moment you’re not being honest with yourself. That opens you up for compromises further down the line, and even worse, believing that what you want isn’t really out there.

I know it’s frustrating, but it’s worth staying focused!

2. Read their descriptions.

Maya Angelou once said, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

On a dating site, where we’re asked to describe ourselves in 500 words or less for the sexual judgement of strangers, you better think long and hard about what words you use to describe yourself.

Those who don’t think about it won’t spend much time thinking about the people they’re meeting on that site. If their writing is sloppy or rude, so shall be their effort.

I am amazed at how many people don’t fill out their full descriptions on dating sites. One of the things that attracted me to my current boyfriend was that he was one of the few men on the site who even bothered!

If you’re looking for someone to be a genuinely good partner, find someone who’s putting in the effort to find someone in it for the long haul.

“The standards you set will dictate

who will be attracted to you.”

3. Message, message, message.

Don’t just jump into a date! Take some time and talk to the person beforehand.

Ask about what they like to do. Say what you saw in them. On a Monday, ask how their weekend went. Ask what they’d like to do on a hypothetical date with you.

This isn’t about being a tease. It’s about setting up barriers to entry for yourself. No one wants an easy catch.

By taking your time and speaking to this person as if they genuinely interested you, you’re inherently making yourself interesting to them.

Once you’re there on that first date, they’ll feel 10 times more at ease in your presence and you’ll have an intimacy that a first date alone can’t produce.

4. Have fun!

You want to always be with someone you can have fun with, so the second it stops being fun and friendly with someone, don’t give them more of your attention – plain and simple.

This sounds harsh because it is. When it comes to dating, whether you’re looking for something long term or short term, you can’t afford to not have fun.

It might mean you find fewer people you get along with, but those will be the people worth your time.

The standards you set for yourself will dictate who will be attracted to you and whether or not you’ll find what you want. Enjoy the journey and believe in your own awesomeness!

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