Should I Share My Sexual Preferences

Lesbian Dating

Should I Share My Sexual Preferences?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Lesbian sexual preferences can be a difficult conversation to have.

Women often wonder how to share this preference and what to share.

When should you share?

It really depends.

When do you usually jump into bed with a lesbian date? Should you wait until the first or second date, or do you wait longer?

If you rush into sex, then make sure to share right away.

If sex is something you prefer to wait on, you may be willing to wait until a second or third date to disclose that you have a sexual fetish or appetite that you are not willing to box up and put away.

Many women are often open to experimenting and trying out new ideas and new toys.

Experimenting does not mean a lesbian is adopting your sexual fetish. It is important to understand this.

How do you tell her you love fisting and anal plugs? You can lead into it by first sharing that great sex is a very important part of a great relationship for you.

Explain what great sex means to you.

For most lesbians, great sex is an important part of feeling connected. Intimacy is created in communication, not in the sexual act itself.

Ultimately, this conversation is about self-exposure. Do not begin by asking questions about her sexual preferences. Start by sharing your own story.

Tell her you love penetration with a strap-on, or tell her you hate penetration. Maybe you dislike a strap-on but you are fine with a dildo, fingers or fisting.

Vibrators may be really important to your ability to reach an orgasm. Maybe you are really proud of your collection of toys and enjoy sharing them and giving your lover amazing sexual experiences.

“Do not be afraid to

share who you really are.”

Approach this conversation with honesty and kindness.

If your date lets you know she is into all of it, you have hit a home run.

Many women may say they have not tried what you are talking about, but they might be open to trying.

If you take her to bed and show her what you are talking about, then you have to be prepared for her to say she might not like it. There will always be this chance.

If your date clearly says she is not into toys, penetration, fisting, scissoring or whatever your sexual preference is, then you are free to move on and look for a lesbian who understands it.

How we express ourselves sexually as lesbians is multifaceted.

It is part of what makes women loving women so interesting and complicated.

Do not be afraid to share who you really are. That is the only way to find a lover who can meet you in a space where sex and lovemaking happens.

My final word on this is to go for it, but tell your story first. Then see what she has to say. It is that simple.

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