The 1st Thing You Should Say In Online Dating

Online Dating

The 1st Thing You Should Say When Online Dating

Joshua Pompey

Written by: Joshua Pompey

Joshua Pompey

Joshua Pompey is an online dating and relationship expert, helping men and women succeed at online dating since 2009 and with a success rate of more than 99%.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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One of the most common remarks I hear from male online daters is, “I have no idea what to say.” This remark is often accompanied by the sound of defeat and ultimate frustration, as most of these men have spent months trying to write messages that get the attention of women online, often to no avail.

The truth is writing a message that captures the attention of a woman isn’t nearly as difficult as one might think. Most men I work with achieve a response rate of up to 70 percent with enough practice. You simply need to understand the key ingredients of a great email and then craft your messages accordingly.

But before we discuss what you should be writing in your first messages, first and foremost, let’s take a look at what you must avoid.

6 Things You Shouldn’t Say

  1. Complimenting a woman’s physical appearance (this is not flattering to a stranger.)
  2. Making casual small talk (hey, hello, what’s up)
  3. Asking repetitive questions (so what do you do for a living?)
  4. Copying and pasting material/spamming emails
  5. Writing emails that take more than five minutes to read and respond to
  6. Discussing anything sexual (there are separate websites for this!)

While the items in the above list are not the only things you need to avoid, they consist of the most common mistakes men make. Avoid them or women will instantly move on to the next profile in most cases.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s notate the components of an email that gets results.

6 Components of a Great First Email

  1. A subject line that ignites interest and curiosity
  2. A unique email that stands out from the crowd
  3. A demonstration of humor to make women think you will be a fun and interesting date
  4. Language that communicates confidence
  5. Tapping into at least one commonality
  6. Tapping into various personality traits that women tend to feel attraction toward

While this list could have many more components added, it’s a great start to writing emails that get results.

The 1st Thing You Should Say

So let’s now take a look at what a first email would actually look like if we were to incorporate these ingredients.

Suppose a woman on sent me a wink. Below I am going to show you an example of how I would respond, incorporating the elements discussed above. In parenthesis I will notate my line of thinking for each remark I make.

Subject: We may have a problem here (This subject line ignites interest and curiosity, and it stands out from the other emails in her inbox.)

Body: “Just a wink? I hope you say more on a first date you know, or I’m afraid this just isn’t going to work out :P.” (I am being playful, establishing humor, saying something unique, being slightly flirtatious and creating a bit of a chase with this comment.)

“Then again, you do love ‘Game of Thrones.’ (I am establishing a commonality here.) I guess we could find a way to work this out. (I am being unique and setting up a role-playing situation by acting as if we are already in a relationship.) Alright, first true chemistry test: favorite character and why?  Go!” (I am showing confidence, being unique again, creating more of a chase with this test, being playful, putting a unique spin on a familiar topic and establishing a commonality between the two of us.)

And there you have it, folks. A fun, playful and unique email that taps into multiple qualities that women are attracted to. Follow the second list and with enough practice, you will soon have more than enough emails ideas at your disposal to use within seconds every time you write an email.

Want more emailing advice? Learn one of my favorite online dating openers in this article or click here for my best emailing formula.

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