How Online Dating Winks Work

Online Dating

What Are Online Dating Winks? 

Karen Belz

Written by: Karen Belz

Karen Belz

Over the last 10 years, Karen Belz has written for dating and lifestyle sites such as Zoosk, Bolde, and Elite Singles. She started her career as a professional writer by helping launch HelloGiggles in 2011. Karen graduated from Millersville University of Pennsylvania, majoring in Broadcasting with a minor in Print Media Studies. She is now happily married and believes that healthy communication is the key to all successful relationships. You can follow her on Threads @karenbelz.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Reviewed by: Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks is the Editor-in-Chief at DatingAdvice.com. When she was growing up, her family teased her for being "boy crazy," but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating and relationship expert. As an English major at the University of Florida, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about a variety of subjects. Now with over 1,800 lifestyle articles to her name, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to DatingAdvice.com.

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While online dating can take some of the anxiety out of face-to-face interactions, it can still be intimidating to message a stranger on an app or site. That’s why many online dating sites have adopted a wink system to help break the ice.

Winks are a virtual nudge to let potential matches know they have attracted your interest. Winks are quicker and easier than a formal introduction, and the feature is typically free on many platforms. 

While Match has officially adopted the wink feature, other dating sites use “likes” or “icebreakers” — but their purpose is the same. It’s basically a digital shoulder tap and can be an excellent first step for online users who aren’t yet confident in putting themselves out there.

The Psychology Behind Winks

Match is one of the most popular websites that employs winks. The website explains that it is an “easy way for members to flirt and express initial interest” without writing a complete message. 

digital winks defined

It’s a good way for free members to put the ball in someone else’s court with minimal risk. After all, it hurts less to get an ignored wink than to have the first message left on read.

Why Do People Use Winks in Online Dating?

It’s important to familiarize yourself with winks since they’re becoming increasingly popular in online dating. Match alone estimates users send more than 735,000 winks on average per day. 

Winks can spark conversations, and some have surely led to long-term relationships. They can be useful, especially if you’re new to a dating site and aren’t sure if you want to buy a subscription to unlock more features. 

winks get conversation started

Winks are an excellent way to test the waters and let another person know their profile caught your eye.

Unfortunately, winks aren’t going to help another user get to know somebody better. While they can be a handy tool, they’re not as useful as icebreaker questions, which start conversations by tapping into thought-provoking topics.

Winks Can Serve As Nonverbal Cues

Gone are the days of rampant pickup lines and unsolicited messaging — and that’s probably for the best. Tired lines don’t pack as much punch and can be offensive, awkward, or overly sexualized. Now, you can express interest in someone with a click of a button.

Swiping apps like Tinder were designed for fast connections, but users don’t necessarily enjoy a fast-and-furious approach to romance. You may turn off potential dates if you come on too strong or jump to trying to meet in person too quickly. 

show interest in a subtle way

A wink is a good way to let another online dater know you find them attractive without adding anything else to the conversation. It gives the nonverbal permission to message you if they’re interested without adding any pressure. 

By exchanging winks, you give a seal of approval for the match before diving into a conversation.

How Should Recipients Interpret A Wink?

A wink is a digital way of flirting. Someone is telling you they like your photos or profile and would like to get to know you more. However, winks aren’t exclusive — the person who sent one your way may have sent multiple winks to see who’d respond.

If you get a wink and are interested in the person who sent it, it makes sense to send a wink or message in response. It doesn’t have to be anything serious, but it’s often good to let a potential partner know their nudge was well received and you’re interested in taking the next step. 

if you're interested, start a conversation

You may feel tempted to jump in with a list of dealbreakers. It’s natural to wonder if the person who winked is everything you’re looking for in a partner, but you should take it slow. 

Dating experts recommend waiting for the conversation to progress to serious subjects and relationship talk before bringing up dealbreakers. The person who winked likely isn’t ready to jump into personal topics immediately; they’re just feeling you out at first.

Common Misconceptions On Winks

If an online dater sends you a wink and you don’t think you’d be a compatible match, you don’t have to worry about responding. Winks are a casual interaction. If you don’t respond to a wink, you shouldn’t expect further follow-up from that potential suitor. 

don't need to respond to every wink

A wink doesn’t necessarily mean somebody wants to date you or have a serious relationship. 

If anything, the other person simply wants to tell you they like your profile or photos. It’s a compliment with no promises for the future. It could turn out that you’re incompatible in some way. Only time will tell if this online exchange will blossom into a relationship or fade completely. 

Pros & Cons

Every online dating feature has its uses, and some drawbacks can come into play as well. We’ll go over the advantages and disadvantages you can expect when sending that virtual wink.

Advantages of Using Winks

Plenty of advantages come with using winks while online dating, especially if you feel anxious about meeting someone new. 

If you’re shy or introverted, reaching out to someone can be difficult. However, online dating is a great way to overcome social anxiety. And winks can ease a new person into the experience.

winks are low-stress

It’s an efficient way to say, “I’d like to meet you,” without overthinking it. Plus, the more interactions you make, the more confidence you will build in your online dating skills.

Drawbacks and Considerations

That said, winks have some drawbacks — especially if you know you might freeze when following up. 

Winks don’t necessarily set you apart from the crowd of swipers, so there’s no guarantee it’ll work as a first move. Sometimes getting a response requires a little more personality and ingenuity. 

While somebody very well may respond to a wink if they like your profile, it doesn’t give much to inspire a conversation. If the other person is shy, the conversation may not come easily with a mere wink.

Winks are cheap and fast to send. However, sending too many winks can take away from the online dating experience. 

dating app features

If you lose track of people based on the number of winks you’ve sent, it may make the online dating experience feel chaotic. They can also become a nuisance if they’re overused. Save them for people you’re interested in, and limit yourself to one wink per person. 

It’s bad form to send winks to people if you don’t want anything to progress. While nobody should read into a wink, sending them to people you’ll end up ignoring can still be hurtful. Don’t waste anyone’s time if you know you’re incompatible.

While winks can be helpful, overusing them will completely change the meaning of their purpose. 

Eventually, you will have to send an email or direct message if you want an online relationship to progress. Otherwise, you will wind up in relationship limbo. If you aren’t proactive, your potential relationship may morph into an online acquaintanceship and nothing more. 

4 Best Practices for Making a Virtual Move

When it comes time to chat on an online dating platform, you’d best mind your manners if you want the conversation to go anywhere. Here are some guidelines for making a good first impression.

1. Send a Wink If You’re Intrigued by a Profile

If you’re interested in a profile, send a wink. It’s a good way to see if a potential match feels similarly about you. If they don’t, that’s fine — it was a quick interaction that involved no effort, time, or feeling behind it.

2. Follow Up with Words

If they wink back at you, follow up with words, not another wink. Try an icebreaker question or ask about something in their profile. This is always a good move since it shows you paid attention to what they wrote.

“Hi there! I like how you mentioned ____ in your profile. Can you tell me more about that?”

Don’t base your messages solely on how they look. Be honest about your intentions, and don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. The best relationships start on a foundation of trust.

3. Respond Quickly to Incoming Winks

If you keep getting other winks while talking to someone, don’t feel as if you’d be unfaithful by responding to new matches. Answer with a wink or message if they seem to have potential. Sending a wink doesn’t mean you’re forming any type of commitment — it’s a simple, casual way of dating.

Remember to return winks

Plus, in the early stages of online dating, talking to more than one person at a time makes sense. Just be honest if they ask about being exclusive or getting into a serious relationship, which shouldn’t happen until you meet face to face.

4. Keep Realistic Expectations

You may send a wink and then hear nothing back. Don’t take it personally — it’s possible the person on the other side was testing the site or possibly didn’t know how to follow their initial reaction. Sometimes the wink is just a passing compliment, and nothing more will come of it.

Try not to pressure anyone into a conversation if the spark dies down after first making contact. Play it by ear and have fun.

Winks Are A Great Way To Express Interest Without Words

Using wink features can be a real game changer for shy individuals or new daters on the apps. Winks are a great tool to break the ice, but they shouldn’t be overused.

Nothing can beat the power of words when it comes to making a real connection. If you receive a wink, take it as a compliment. It should make you feel good, no matter the outcome. Even if the person who sent the wink doesn’t follow through, it’s a nice way of recognizing that your dating profile is getting noticed.