The Lost Art Of Offline Dating

Gay Dating

The Lost Art of Offline Dating

Scott De Buitleir

Written by: Scott De Buitleir

Scott De Buitleir

Scott De Buitléir is a columnist, writer and radio host from Dublin, Ireland. He hosts a weekly radio show for the gay and lesbian community on RTÉ Pulse radio and writes in both Irish (Gaelic) and English for publications in Ireland as well as the U.K. and U.S. For more information, follow Scott @scottdebuitleir

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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In this technologically advanced world, it can be hard to maintain any hopes to finding romance.

Any acts of passion can be far removed from your emotions, initiated by downloading a dating app on your smartphone.

Clubs are designed with the similar goal of instant gratification: Get in, get drunk, get off.

Where does old-fashioned romance stand in such a world?

Recently, I plucked up the courage to go over to a good-looking guy in a cafe and give him my number.

It was something I had never done before, despite having seen it done in countless films.

I wasn’t necessarily risking too much. I guessed he was gay from his body language and occasional eye contact, though I still played the “gay or European?” game in my head five times before doing anything.

In the end, I figured I had nothing to lose and the worst that could happen would be I’d be embarrassed for a short while.

It turned out — just my luck — the guy I gave my number to was indeed gay, but he had a boyfriend.

Funnily enough, I didn’t mind the outcome because I was more content with going out of my comfort zone and being able to approach him at all.

As an Irishman, it’s part of my culture to be friendly but not forward. Normally, I prefer not to be the one to make the first move, blaming it on shyness when it’s really laziness.

It made me get over myself, even if I didn’t get a date out of it! I guess you could say it was a pretty decent consolation prize.

“If you’re rejected, then you’ve still

learned to put yourself out there.”

So, here’s what I learned from such an experience:

1. Assess the situation.

If you’re in a gay-friendly place, then your chances of barking up the wrong tree are lessened somewhat.

Even if the guy you notice isn’t interested — for whatever reason — a public space ensures he won’t react too negatively, for fear of his own embarrassment. (Unless he’s just a jerk, in which case, he won’t be putting himself in a good light.)

2. Subtlety works better than you may think.

If you’re able to catch the guy’s attention (without making a fool of yourself!), all the better.

3. What have you got to lose?

If you’re single and you think there might be a chance, keep that in your mind. If you’re rejected like I was, then you’ve still learned to put yourself out there — without having to resort to your phone.

This doesn’t mean you should get out there right now and find an attractive guy to test your newfound confidence on — bide your time.

But you should know when a good opportunity comes up. Just make sure you have a pen and paper ready when it does!

How are you going to take your dating life offline?

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