The Raj Koothrappali Effect

Men's Dating

The Raj Koothrappali Effect

Randy Mitchell

Written by: Randy Mitchell

Randy Mitchell

Randy Mitchell is a blogger on lifestyle, writing and relationship topics and is a published author of inspirational romance. His first novel "Sons In The Clouds" is available on Amazon. To find out more about Randy, visit

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Guys are only human. At times, we get nervous around the opposite sex.

Despite our age and no matter if you’re a Navy Seal slogging through snake-infested jungles or an accountant working on a tax return, we’ve all experienced nerves crawling along our legs when attractive women cross our paths.

How do you deal with it?

A psychiatrist’s couch, an article in Glamour, alcohol, a dose of Viagra?

As I write this, I’m reminded of all the times I’ve been nervous around women and still am sometimes. There’s nothing that makes your heart skip faster than a beautiful woman.

You anticipate seeing her. You dress trying to appear your best.

The appointed hour approaches while rounding the corner to pick her up. You throw your car into park, walk up the sidewalk and ring the doorbell. Your heart skips while listening for her footsteps or click of the door lock.

She opens the door. Your throat runs dry. You barely manage to squeak “hello” while studying her expression.

Well, congratulations! The hard part is over and the rest is easy. Right?

It’s only natural to be a bit nervous.

It has absolutely nothing to do with your confidence level, social ability or dating experience. All it means is you’re interested in her and your loins are doing their job.

Use this nervousness to your advantage. What I mean is tap into that energy you’re feeling as something to build upon. If you’re nervous, you’re alive and that’s good.

How bad would it be if you weren’t and she saw you tired-looking, depressed or uninterested rather than excited, energetic and attentive? And if she did, the date would go downhill, rapidly.

Females can tell when your nerves are firing on all cylinders. Your face may be flushed or you trip over your words, stutter or uncontrollably chat away while she’s scanning for the nearest exit. Again, she knows.

The good news is she may be just as nervous as you are, and that’s a positive thing.

“If you’re compatible with a woman,

the chemistry will be apparent.”

Women like men who are real and don’t put on airs.

They also love confidence and the ability to communicate effectively, and that means telling them how you feel as situations arise.

With that said, what are some of the best methods for dealing with nervousness?

My favorite is using a little humor to calm things down. After all, you’re only on a date, not walking the Green Mile.

“I was so nervous about seeing you that my hairline receded another inch!” Using good, playful humor will not only score you points for being honest, but it will also relax her while being a great ice breaker.

If you’re a drinker, there’s nothing wrong with downing a shot beforehand. It’ll calm you and take the edge off.

Just don’t follow it up by chugging a bottle of wine during dinner. Women hate drunks or the appearance thereof. If you really need alcohol to get through your anxiety, then other problems are at play.

Something else that can help:

No matter how attracted you are to a particular girl, the world isn’t going to end if things don’t work out. Getting yourself into this mindset will place you at ease, knowing there are other opportunities available with women.

There are lots of available ladies out there, so don’t wrap your head around the notion you’ll only have one shot at love.

What about approaching a woman for the first time (which is, to most guys, a much tougher task)? Easing nervousness here can be accomplished by analyzing your chances of success.

What that means is this: Let’s say you’re at a party and notice someone you’d like to meet. You make eye contact and watch her body language. Does she hold her gaze or look away?

If she’s sitting, are her legs crossed with one pointed toward you? Does she mirror your movements? In other words, if you move to one side of the room, does she walk toward you?

These are just a few examples, but looking for certain signs will say if she’s interested, giving you confidence and easing your nervousness.

If you strike up a conversation, does she enter your personal space or lean in closer. Are her eyes dilated and focused on yours? Does she touch her hair, smile or laugh a lot?

If she’s doing any or all of these things, relax, dude. She likes you!

What I’ve learned is compatibility is key

If you’re compatible with a woman, conversations will flow seamlessly, chemistry will be apparent and mutual effort will come easy.

That nervousness you feel at first will quickly vanish as your relationship begins to flourish.

Advertiser Disclosure is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.