What Do Lesbians Really Want

Lesbian Dating

What Do Lesbians Really Want?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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It’s a privilege to be invited into the process of helping a woman recreate her life through dating coaching.

In the process of working with hundreds of women, what I can tell you is we are all a great deal alike yet creatively different. It’s so interesting.

One exercise every single person should do is create a written list of requirements.

These don’t include what a woman should look like but what you want in behaviors and lifestyle that you know will create a compatible relationship.

Requirements are the critical behaviors your partner absolutely must have or the relationship will fail. It’s usually the reason previous relationships have failed.

When you pay attention, you learn from your failed relationships and that’s when you start creating your own requirements list in your head.

The exercise of writing it out makes it more real and more powerful, and it’s something you can look at often to keep yourself on track about what you want.

In reviewing what lesbians have been coming up with for a requirements list, many things show up over and over.

These include:

  • Integrity
  • Honesty
  • Physically fit
  • Kind
  • Able to communicate good and negative emotions respectfully
  • Neat and clean
  • Good sense of humor
  • Passionate (enjoys sex/enjoys sexual variety)
  • Financially secure
  • Strong work ethic
  • Accepts my children
  • Accepts my family
  • Accepts my ex-partners being in my life
  • Wants children
  • Doesn’t want children
  • Monogamous
  • No alcohol
  • Respect
  • Must enjoy travel
  • Enjoys living a quiet, simple life
  • Is growing and evolving
  • Spiritual/Christian/Catholic/Jewish/open/atheist/etc.
  • Loves dogs, cats, horses, birds, snakes, etc.

“Almost everyone wants to be

with someone who is respectful.”

And so much more!

Now that you’ve read this list, did you immediately agree with three or five or 10 of these choices? Did you immediately disagree with as many others?

As human beings, we have some needs in common. Almost everyone wants to be with someone who is respectful and accepts the people they already love and consider to be family – your children, friends and ex-lovers.

Some women are deeply committed to a spiritual path and want to be sure their life partner either respects their path or shares it.

Neat and clean is not always a given. Certain individuals consider this more than a nice-to-have in a relationship. It’s a requirement pure and simple.

If this is you, perhaps it belongs here. If you’re more relaxed about cleanliness standards, perhaps that needs to be on your requirements list.

So what do you think? Interesting stuff, right? Would you take a minute and leave a comment or share with me your top three or four requirements? You’ll help someone else get more clear for herself when you do. Thanks!

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